Jahseh X Geneva | Toxic Love

The Questions

"She was just a blur in my mind"

Jahseh's Journal Entry

What went wrong? I feel like I just lost my world. My life. My heart. My everything. Could she really just move on that easily? I gave all my trust, heart, feelings & insecurities into one's hands. Yet I'm now holding pieces of them. My heart ripped into two. My insecurities used against me. My feelings mixed. My trust completely broken. Just by one person. I didn't know one person could just change my entire thought on the opposite gender. Love is so fucking complicated. Why can't I love be a source of happiness instead of a source of pain & depression? I'm stuck believing that love is full of betrayal, hatred, love, broken trust & non - existent loyalty. 

Jahseh's P.O.V

I write in my journal before I lay my head down on my pillow. My thoughts wonder my mind looking for the answers. Does she still love me? Should I move on? Why is love a shit storm of pain? It takes me about an hour to understand that love is going to be a never ending whirlpool of pain. I question myself "Do I really want to be in love anymore?" I hear voices in my head. The answers I'm hearing. "I don't know." I accidentally knock over a vase beside my bed & it cracks into two. In a panic, I just try to go to sleep in confusion. 

I wake up the next day in agonizing pain. In my head. Again, Confused as hell. I carry on with my day ignoring the somewhat minor warnings. The pain suddenly gets worse as I'm walking in the streets. I hit my head & suddenly everything turns black. 

Before I know it, I see myself in a fucking hospital on a bed. My eyes looking in a blur, I see Geneva by my bedside. Holding my hand. Crying. "What the fuck is happening??" I yell confused and weak. "Your fine! Thank Lord. Jah I'm sorry about what happened with the whole text message thing the other day. I'm sorry I fucked with your feelings so stupidly. I'm fucking sorry this happened!" "Neva! Calm down. It's okay. I also didn't handle the situation well. But I'm okay now. It's not your fault. But I do wanna know if you found a new mans." I ask fearing for the answer. "I'm not answering that right now Jah! I don't want to argue about this stupid shit anymore" Geneva answers. "Okay then. Just tell me soon. I want you to...uhm..." Geneva barges in mid my sentence. "Jah...Just tell me. If it's anything to do with these beating allegations with me, Just don't tell me. I know I fucked up a lot. I honestly deserve to go to..." "No Geneva. I love you. And I forever will even if we're not together. I can't see you going to jail." I reply quietly. "Hello, Geneva visiting hours are done & Jahseh you can go home now. We checked your health and it's a lot better. We ringed your best friend Ski to pick you up" The doctor interrupts. "Well I guess this is goodbye for now Geneva" "Well, See you soon hopefully" 

Geneva disappears in the distance. "Does she truly love me?"