Don't Fear The Reaper

4 AM

I walk inside to find Sam sitting on the couch, tapping his foot nervously. I kick my shoes off and he looks up at me for a split second, his face is full of emotions.

"He cares about you, ya know." I say quietly.

He scoffs. "I seriously doubt that."

"Why do you hate him so much?"

He pauses for a moment. "Some of these stories aren't mine to tell. I can only say so much. Just sit down."

I take a seat on the couch next to him, hoping that what I'm about to hear doesn't make me hate Jake too. "Sam." I take a deep breath. "You know I love you. You're my brother and you always will be. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"I know." He nods. "Look I'm not trying to control you, I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll be okay. Hurt is a part of life." I look down at my hands and fidget with one of my rings. "Tell me about Jake."

"I don't even know where to start."

"The beginning." I reply. "There must have been a time where you didn't hate him."

"Okay well, it was in high school. Jake was a junior, I was a freshman. He met this girl, Abigail, she was nice. They dated for almost a year probably, I don't know for sure but he was so in love with her. He would've done anything for her." He hesitates. "Her dad was the president of a motorcycle club, the Oregon Reapers as you might've guessed. Jake didn't really know much about it, none of us did. We just thought they were a normal biker club, we didn't think much of it."

"But that's not the case, is it?" I feel my heart start to beat a little faster, I know the answer isn't what I want to hear.

"Not exactly." Sam answers and clears his throat. "This one time Jake was extremely drunk, definitely shouldn't have been driving but it's not like he's ever been super responsible. Anyways, he was leaving her house and actually ended up fucking up her dad's bike pretty bad. He backed over it or something. Her dad was very unforgiving, told Jake he could join the MC and work for him to make up for wrecking his bike or he'd call the cops. So Jake took the offer and everything went south from there."

"So that's why you hate him? Because he's in a motorcycle gang?" I ask.

"No." He shakes his head. "Jake's always been a trouble maker. When he joined none of us were surprised, not even when we found out they were running drugs across the border into Canada."

"That's what he does?" My heart sinks. "What kind of drugs?"

"Cocaine. Heroin sometimes." He looks me in the eyes. "Someone died because of him, that's why I hate him."

"What do you mean because of him? What happened?"

He sighs. "Ask Jake, he deserves to have to tell the story."

"Who was it?"

"Her name was Danielle, Josh's fiancé." He pauses. "That's why they don't talk anymore. That's why Josh moved. Jake is the reason that our family isn't a family anymore." He's angry and sad and they both show through on his face, he never was good at hiding his emotions. "There's a lot more but I don't think..."

"It's okay, Sam." I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I scoot closer to him. "I've heard enough anyways." I grab onto his arm and rest my head on his shoulder. "Do you wanna stay here tonight?"

He lets his head fall gently onto mine. "Yeah, I don't really wanna go home."

We spend the rest of the night telling stories from our childhoods, a time during which I wish we knew each other. He tells me about exploring with Jake and Josh, how they were always out and about in nature. I can tell by the way he speaks that the memories are important to him, I can tell he hasn't forgotten who Jake used to be. The way he talks about Josh, you'd think he was a god or something. The words leave his lips with such fondness, I can tell he really admires and looks up to him. I can tell he misses him. It seems by the time they were teenagers they'd done enough exploring and turned their attention more to causing trouble in the woods. Sam talks about setting up camp in random areas in the mountains and drinking until they were sick or doing shrooms and connecting with their surroundings and each other. For a moment it's almost like Sam forgets what Jake has turned into, for a moment he lets his love for him shine through. I want to say something but I don't. I know Sam would only deny it but I can see that he still cares about him, I can see that he wants to fix things. He's just too afraid to admit it.