Don't Fear The Reaper

Lachesis - The Measurer

He just looks at me. He doesn't know what to say, neither do I. I keep thinking about how calm he looks despite having just shot and killed a man. "Are you gonna say something?" I ask.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know." My voice shakes.

He takes his hands away from my face, one of them is smeared with blood. "You need stitches." He looks at the cut, which has just begun to sting. "I'll call Sam, have him drive you to urgent care."

"What are we gonna do?" I ask nervously, peering behind Jake at the corpse. "He's dead. You-you shot him." I feel like I can't breathe, every breath I take seems to draw in less air like there's a snake wrapped around my lungs, constricting. I start yelling. "What the fuck? Jake, what the fuck do we do?"

"Listen to me, it's gonna be fine." He tries to reassure me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"How can you even say that?" I notice I'm still grabbing onto his arms, I let go. "You just fucking killed someone!"

"I'm gonna make a few calls." Nothing he says to me is registering. It's like it disappears in the air, it's like he's not even saying anything at all.

"Fuck this can't be happening." I run my fingers through my hair, I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. "You killed him, you fucking killed him!"

"Val." He puts a hand on my face. "Calm down, you're gonna be alright."

"No, it's not alright!" I push his hands away from me. "None of this is alright."

"I'm gonna take care of everything." He touches my shoulder lightly like he's afraid I'll push him away again.

I stare mindlessly past him, my eyes can't seem to look anywhere but the dead body. I want to look away but I can't. I start sobbing. "Oh my god. This is so fucked up."

"Look at me." He grabs onto my face and moves so I can't see the body. "Look at me."

"Jake, what do we- oh my god." I can barely manage to finish a sentence. My mind is moving faster than my mouth. "Jake."

"Valerie, I'm right here with you. Try to take deep breaths. I'll take care of everything, it'll be like it never happened." He rubs my arms slowly, trying to comfort me. "Just breathe, babe."

"I can't. I can't." I shake my head, whispering over and over again, squeezing my eyes closed. 

He grabs onto my face again. "Do you trust me?" I nod quickly, it's one of the only things I'm sure of right now. "Good. I'm telling you, nothing's gonna happen to you."

"What about y-you?" I open my eyes to look at him. His face is full of emotion- sadness, stress, pain, but he tries to hide it.

"Nothing's gonna happen to me either." He wipes my tear soaked cheeks with his thumbs. "I promise. Take deep breaths. You're okay."

I try to take deep breaths but it seems impossible. My shaky hands grab ahold of his wrists as he strokes my face lightly. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on breathing in and out slowly.

"That's good." He says softly. "That's really good."

As I start to breathe a little bit more regularly and my head begins to clear, I'm hit with the horrific realization that he's done this before. "Jake." I whisper. "This isn't the first time."

"No." He shakes his head, his eyes are like two black voids, empty and sad. "This isn't the first time."

I knew already. Somewhere deep down I knew he had killed people before but it was never something we needed to talk about. It was never something I thought I'd have to face head on.