With Her

Chapter 11

I get home and I just want to lay down in my room. I hear my mom walking to my door.
" everything okay"
" yeah I'm fine"
I'm literally laying in the dark crying and she ask me is everything okay.
" okay, are you good to stay with Samantha"
" yes mother can you go please"
I'm literally laying here staring at the wall. Where's your mother nurturing alert. If your not going to be helpful or comforting in my time of obvious need then you can go.
" well I'm leaving tonight so you can go over her house tonight if you want"
I get off my bed to close my door behind her.
" no ill stay in my bed for tonight, good night mother"
I have to actually push her out the door. Sometimes she's just in the way. I lay back down and listen to some music with headphones and close my eyes. I open my eyes to see that it was six in the morning. I also have a envelope from my mom. I open it to see 100 dollars inside and a note begging me not to blow it in one week. I get up pushing the light blankets off me. I take a hot shower letting the steam open my pores. Water in so many ways is just so therapeutic.

I finally get dress and pack some clothes for a couple of days so I'll have a reason to come back home. I take the bus today, one of those days I guess.

I got to my first class. Then Spanish. I have to tell Samantha before she finds out on her own. I pull her aside. I see her already in class but I motion her to meet me in the hall. I dragged her to the bathroom, made sure it was empty first. Then told her about my first kiss.
" you did what"
" don't make me say it again Sam please"
I begged her with misery and pain from my stomach. I sat on floor. Having to think about it again makes the same pain return.
" first of all it's not that sanitary in here to be on the floor, second I'm sorry she didn't feel the same way.
Samantha sat on the floor with her arms wrapped around me.
" I'll stay with you if you like"
" no, I'll have to go to class eventually"
" okay, well I love you"
" I know, thanks"
She puts a kiss on my cheek and leaves out. I hear the bell ring and I try to go my third hour but as I get closer to the door. It's as if there is a ball hardened in my stomach and it turns me around and leads me to the library. I usually keep a pack of cigarettes on me. I don't always smoke but when I do. It gives me great pleasure.

Standing on top of the table in the back leaning out a window. I blow the smoke out of my mouth and stare off, not even caring if an authority figure comes behind me. I definitely lost track of time because the bell rings and after one more puff i let the fire out with the bottom of my shoe and tossed the stick out the window then closed it before jumping off the table.

I left the library quietly to not raise any attention to myself. I grab some junk food and sit at the table, with the others.
" where's your bag I thought you were spending a couple of nights with me"
" oh shit I left it in the library"
I leave the lunch room and try to race to the library so I can enjoy my lunch break with my friends.
" careful"
The energy around me felt different and I would know that voice even if I was deaf. I ignored it and kept moving with the same speed. Entering the library with my heart racing, I find my bag luckily it's seems as if I hadn't been disturbed, but I still checked to see if the money was inside. I breath at ease once I see it. I secure it in my wallet which I keep on me then I head back towards the lunchroom. I walk this time, and I pass this scent that made me turn my head to see Roselyn coming out of the office with the vice principal Gore .
" Miss Marshal a word"
I can't pretend to not hear her when the vice principal is with her. He has a whistle that he loves to use. I stopped and waited. Finding a wall to lean on, I watched as she finished up with him until he walked away. She started walking my way. Turning me and walking with her hand on my back.
" hey lefty or should I say skippy"
" are you hear to berate me or turn me in"
"actually neither I need a favor, could you please babysit tonight"

At first I was delighted that we're still on speaking terms after what I did and that I wouldn't be getting suspended any time soon, but then I remember my feelings for her still holding on strong. I felt the need to deny her.
" I don't think that's a good idea Mrs. Roselyn"
" because of yesterday, it was a mistake,"
" no it wasn't at least on my behalf, this is dangerous"
"We won't have to talk about it, please I'll pay you"
" no I'd rather not"
" extra I really need you"
Shes ignoring all the dangerous signs right now. She's holding my hand tightly. She's making me ignore the big hell no in my head.
" okay, fine but I didn't drive to school"
" no problem and I can take you home afterwards "
" I'm staying with Samantha for two weeks"
" okay I can take you there, thank you for helping"

She runs up the nearby stairs as I get back to the lunch room and sit back in front of my newly opened snacks. Leo pointing at something he probably was eyeing since I got up.
" may I"
" sure"
" what took you so long"
Samantha and her detective skills.
" I ran into her and she asked me to babysit"
" that bitch... and how did she take you turning her down"
" She wouldn't take no for an answer, she kept begging until I said yes"
Jordan decides to give her two cents.
" maybe she had a second to think about you two and realized that the two of you share a certain something most people don't get"
There was a pause, and then he finally spoke.
" or she needs a babysitter for her date with her husband"
" thanks Leo"
" honesty is the best policy" Leo smacking the food in his mouth like he hasn't eaten in days.

Mixed up emotions is all I have. But It's all I'm receiving. So what do I do?