A Broken Heart [A Loki Fanfiction] [COMPLETED]

Chapter 2

... And at some point, as Loki slept, Thor entered the room.

"Loki, will y-", he stopped talking, his face changing into a mask of shock when he saw his little brother.

The view was just as depressive as it was awful. Loki's left arm was covered with wounds and blood. His dagger, full of blood too, was placed next to his shoulder. His eyes were closed, and his face looked unnaturally calm –especially when you took a minute to acknowledge the severity of his wounds.

Thor's first thought was that Loki was dead, which he dismissed almost immediately for two reasons; for one, you couldn't get rid of the God of Mischief so easily and, for another, there was a steady movement on his chest. Having established his brother's physical condition, Thor proceeded to wonder how the injuries had been inflicted. Had Loki been attacked? The God of Thunder peeked at the wounds; they were way too precise to be the result of an attack –created almost as carefully as a cut made by a surgeon's hand, but in an amount that made a mess. Had... Loki done this to himself?

"Brother..." he sighed, unable to take his eyes off Loki's arm. He sat at the edge of the bed next to him and checked his wrist for a pulse. Loki's heartbeat was normal. "Brother, wake up," said Thor, patting on Loki's shoulder.

An expression of discomfort appeared on the younger god's face. "Thor... please stop it..." Loki murmured and moved a bit.

"Loki," Thor insisted.

At that moment, the Trickster realised Thor had seen his arm –his cuts. His eyes opened wide as he bolted upright and pulled his sleeve down as if trying to hide what he had done to himself.

"How did this happen?" Thor asked him, not wanting to believe the conclusion he had come to.

Loki's reaction –the shame that took over his characteristics as he bowed his head– only confirmed his suspicions. "None of your business."

Thor's face filled with even more concern. "I worry about you, brother." Loki didn't say anything. "Did you...?" His voice faded. He didn't want to say it, as if it wasn't true as long as it remained unsaid.

"If you know the answer, then why ask?" Loki asked blankly.

"So, you-"

"Yes, Thor –we already established that," Loki snapped with sudden rage, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Yes, I did this, and yes, it's not the first time, and I assure you that it won't be the last! Any other stupid questions?" When he realised what he had said it was too late to take it back. His look suddenly became sorrowful, and he lowered his head. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me," he whispered, yet there was repressed anger in his voice.

Thor tried to touch his brother's arm, but Loki didn't let him.

"Don't."

"Why?" he inquired.

Loki's brows furrowed. "Why? Seriously now?"

"What made you start doing this?"

"There is never a simple answer to such questions."

"Yes, but-"

"That's how I am!" Loki snarled, interrupting his brother's statement. "Because everything that could go wrong with me does, eventually. Always. I'm messed up and keep doing terrible things. I've almost killed you more than once, and mother-" He broke off. No, he couldn't tell this to Thor –he would hate him.

"Don't say that," the older Odinson said. "You make yourself sound like a loser."

"Give me one reason I shouldn't consider myself one."

"You helped me save our home, almost dying in the process. You are a hero."

Loki scowled. "I'm not a hero –I'm a murderer."

"Is this the reason you're doing this?" Thor asked. "Are you punishing yourself?"

"It's not as simple as that."

"Care to elaborate?"

Loki shrugged, slowly rolling down his sleeve as his shoulders dropped. "Forget about it."

"Not anytime soon."

Loki brought his hands together, ignoring the pain that the movement caused to his left (wounded) arm, and started picking at his nails.

"It's not just one reason, brother. It's just... Sometimes life itself becomes too much, and I have no idea how to handle what I'm-" What I'm feeling. Sentiment. He'd always been so repulsive towards it, yet always the one that felt emotions too deeply.

"What you're feeling," Thor said, finishing Loki's phrase.

"Could put it that way, I suppose," the trickster responded. "I used to do it when I was a teen; I think mother had her suspicions because she used to tell me things back then with no particular reason –to be kind to myself and not cause any more pain to myself than the one I was already feeling. It was hard to stop, but I did –I truly did!– and for some time I was doing better. But, after I learned what I am, everything started going downhill. And then we lost mother, and it's all my fault-"

"Your fault? This is madness, Loki."

"Is it, really?" Loki asked with sudden anger, and when he realised what he was saying, he averted his gaze. "When Kurse escaped from the dungeons, he came over to me –just looking at me, and then he turned around to walk away. I don't know what I was thinking –I guess I was angry at everyone and everything– but before he could leave, I said 'You might want to take the stairs to the left.' He knew where to go, and he did because of me. He found her because of me –he killed her because of me."

His voice was blank, revealing the kind of emptiness in someone who has given up on themselves.

"Loki, the palace has a ton of stairways –there's no way-"

"Well, I certainly gave him a head start," Loki mocked.

"And I wasn't there when I should have been," Thor argued. "You are no more to blame than I am."

Loki breathed out a sigh, and then he frowned. "Why are we even talking about this? Why did you even come here, brother?" he asked then.

Thor remained silent for a couple of seconds as though he had forgotten why he had come in the first place. "I came to ask you if you want to have dinner with us. I don't know if you'll have an appetite after all this."

"I'll come", Loki said. His fidgeting had stopped, and he was now staring at his arm; even though the scars were covered by the fabric of his shirt, he could still feel the pain.

"Can't you heal it?" Thor wondered, having understood that his brother was thinking about his self-inflicted cuts.

"No. I can't do it just like that. It will heal. It usually takes a couple of days, but this one... this one is bad –it's going to need some more. A shame I'm not a healer, isn't it?" Loki responded with the same apathetic tone.

"Maybe you should talk to lady Eir-"

"No!" Loki snapped, once again surprising Thor with his sudden outburst. "Nobody must find out. I have enough trouble already –no need to create more."

Loki stood up and Thor imitated him.

"One more thing," Loki said as he was walking towards the door. "Don't tell father".

"But..." Thor murmured.

"He mustn't find out. It won't be any help to me –he'll only blame on me and make me feel worse, as always."

"All right then, as you wish, brother," said Thor, breathing out heavily.

...

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