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A Short Story (WARNING: SAD) :(

Hey yall! Before I begin, I just want to say, that there are little things that changed about me since I used my account 2 years ago, I do have some down days.. depression days. Days where I question my purpose on this earth, On those days, I will not be writing because it will only bring people down :( And I'm for sure on that. I would like to stay extremely positive on this account and continue to help others in need with my RANDOMSAUCENESS! I love all of you guys, for sticking with me during my little absence. You guys are my truest friends to me, and no one could ever match up to how loyal and loving yall are! The story I'm going to tell, is. True. It is how I am feeling in the moment... And this is the only sad story imma putting on here, but if you want to stick with me.. heh! stick with me! ONLY IF YALL WANT TO.. 

Here is a little story about me... 

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"I'm going to fix us." A green twinkled eye boy whispered as he caressed my hand upon his.

My beady eyes darted down to our hands. Unsure if I should put any more effort into this or not. My hands began to shake as I looked up into his eyes. 

"Those eyes look so honest.." my heart shivered

"You CANNOT fall for this again." My mind snapped. 

I flinched back to reality as I snatched my hand away from his. Moving my hand to the keyboards onto the computer. My heart sank little bits as I typed. I continued to remind myself that there is no way he could ever care right for my heart, let alone me as a person. I trembled, focusing on the screen. 

"I can never be good enough for you.. EVER!!" He snapped as he slammed his computer mouse on the table. My eyes flinching. 

Instead of coming to the realization of. 

"Oh... He is kind of right for saying this. Never once would he protect me... from the ruthless insults or get angered by one particular person crumbling my self esteem."   

Letting a monster tie me down ankle to ankle and ruthlessly scar every place in my mind and heart imaginable. But.. of course... I didn't say that. My heart is always TOO ATTACHED.

"You DO THINGS RIGHT!" I cry and grab his hands. I saw him turn around with darkness formed in his eyes and tears leaking down his cheeks. 

He continues to shake his head, and one part of me always hollers during this time to just tell the truth and to be done with this nonsense. For my brain to kick in and to address that we can't go forward if I'm left in the dust. Coughing from all of the words being spoken, shoved in my mouth mercilessly by not him... but someone scarier. and being left abandoned when we aren't in school. Too chicken to even dial the phone. 

He doesn't love me. He NEVER loved me. 

My senseless heart kept craving the "love" though. It never let go. No matter how much boulders were pressing against my trembling shoulders. No matter what words wrapped around my neck.

"I love you." I sniffled. "But if nothing changes... it's over.."  

"Ok.." He smiled. "We got this!"

I cracked a smile and headed towards my bus. 

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"Absolutely not.." My mom shook her head. 

"Why not!!" I cried.. or in other words, my HEART cried. 

"He is NOT going to ruin your fathers birthday by standing you up again sweetie." She said, caressing my back and wiping my tears. 

My heart was raging, sobbing, crying pumping so much blood around every organ. My breath grew shallow.. My perception grew weary. My cries screamed louder as I smacked my head against the pillow. 

"But he won't!! I'm sure of it!!" I shouted. 

"One more chance please?" my heart beats. 

My mother sighed in exhaustion and walked over to her bed to receive shut-eye from this madness occurring with me and the boy who never cares for me. 

The next morning I rushed down to my fancily cracked iPhone. My heart was so eager, so tempted to see some hints of him caring for me. To my dismay the phone was blank and all my mind wanted was for me to rest my esteem. 

He never cared for me or stood up for me. He NEVER loved me. 

My heart was still eager to see what was in store for the rest of the day, seeing the endless potential on one pleasant crisp fall weekend. The mornings flew by but my heart was still chasing. The afternoon my heart was still racing, pacing, seeing potential in human beings. By evening my brain began to race after my heart and stuffed it in a hard stone-like surface, Like how Vincent stuffed children into torn animatronics. My eyes began to welt as I lifted my bed sheets above me so no one could see my broken face. 

My beautifully broken face. 

I began to call wondering if there was any explanation but the only voice I heard was the dreaded answering machine that drove my mind into overdrive and insanity. I suddenly blinked up from my tears to hear the little ding coming from my phone. 

"I'm sorry... I was somewhere with my father... But even If I could I wouldn't be able to talk." 

His father. 

His F*CKING father.

The monster that tore me to pieces, ripped me into bits. Stabbing my back with a smile on his face. The one talking crazy on my name. Sneak disser. This monster. All the green eyes ever did was glance upon this monster watching me get chopped with axes. 

He never saved me from the monsters hurting us, HE NEVER LOVED ME. 

H E     D O E S N ' T   L O V E   M E 

" I said forget I ever asked to talk to you ok?" My trust issues stormed on text for there was no other way to get it across. 

Tears killed me as I continued to scream in my pillow in the dark all alone. Screaming that he doesn't love me. 

I glanced at my phone.. 

My mind and trust begged me to write 

"I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THOSE STUPID GREEN EYES DARTING ME IN THE FACE SAYING THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK BETWEEN US. IM SICK OF THE BROKEN PROMISES AND MY SADNESS THAT LEAVES ME BROKEN IN MY BED. YOU NEVER LOVED ME YOU NEVER LOVED ME YOU WILL NEVER LOVE ME THEREFORE I AM GONE." 

My clumsy dumbass heart decided to leave it be. 

"I'll just leave you alone goodnight!" He typed his last words... 

"Good." 

But the decision is yet to be made.. 

The next morning,.. 

And the brain.. the trust issues.. 

Have FULL POWER..