Funny Jokes!

Random

1.A girl says to her boyfriend, One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy says thanks for the warning!

2.The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo sh*t. It mean someone steal tent."

3.ADMIT IT... You've pretended that the floor was lava and the only way to survive was to leap on the sofas, we all have!

4.Husband: Every time I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet seat.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush!

5.Teacher to his student: Give me the opposite to this sentence "children in the dark make mistakes."

Student:"mistakes in the dark make children"