Funny Jokes!

Ethnic

1. Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.

"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."

2.Be careful what you wear (or don't wear) when working under your vehicle...especially in public.

From Sydney Morning Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car their in the parking lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.

On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs from under the chassis. Altough the man was in shorts his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

3. A man got a kick out of turning simple things into mysteries when composing a letter, though he was not good at all at writing.

One day his father told him to write a letter to his brother and tell him four things:

A villager died not long ago.

The price of meat has gone up.

The household has employed a new accountant.

His brother's wife is going to have a baby.

When the son had finished, however, the letter read:

"A villager died not long ago. The meat sold for 179 silver coins.

The household has employed a new accountant. My sister-in-law's belly is getting bigger and bigger."

He soon got an angry answer from his brother:

"Domestic shame should not be made public. How can the flesh of the dead be sold to others?"

4. At a crossroads in the countryside, there stood a temple wherein was enshrined a statue of god carved in wood.

One day, a man was pursuing his way when he saw a ditch before him. So he removed the statue from the temple and put it down lengthwise to span the ditch. He stepped on it and crossed over. Then another man came along. Unable to bear the sight of the statue lying in the ditch, he propped it up and carrying it back to the temple restored it to its pedestal. Thereupon the god accused of him of failing to burn incense and at once cursed him with a splitting headache.

Bewildered, all the lectors of the Purgatory Judge asked the god: "The man who trod on you had gone unpunished; yet the man who helped you up has been cursed with a headache. Why?"

"Well," the god explained, "you ought to know that the kindhearted people are the ones you can bully."

5. A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ''There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.'' The Scot is not impressed and says, ''That's nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a drink the landlord buys you five.'' At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says ''That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you.'' The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies ''No, but my sister told me about it.''

6. What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving?

Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

7. The revered Mr. Yu had to move his bed several times during the night as the rain began leaking in after a prolonged spell of wet weather. Seeing that everything in the room was thoroughly soaked, his wife and children directed their bitter complaint against him. The next morning he lost no time in sending for a tiller who took considerable trouble in repairing the leaky roof. Soon after the repairs were done, one fine and sunny day succeeded another for a whole month. Morning and evening, he would look up at the roof and sigh: "It is just my hapless fate. No more rain right after I've got my roof fixed. What a waste of money!"

8. A guest visited a family from afar. Though the host had many chickens and ducks milling around his courtyard, he told his guest that he didn't dare to ask him to stay for dinner due to his shortage of suitable food for dinner. The guest instantly asked the host to lend him a knife to kill his riding horse so they could eat it for dinner.

The host asked," Then, how can you ride home?"

The guest answered," Just lend me one of your fowls to ride."

9. Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.

The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"

A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"

A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"

10. Q: Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the Irishman?

A: The one on the motorbike.