Letting Go (Soukoku)

2. These Are The Lies

Self-harm warning do not read if that triggers you.

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It had been half a year now since Dazai left to say Chuuya was fine, would mean he'd be lying to himself. He was doing better at least he felt he was. He had stopped drinking every night after work. It was now a weekly thing. The worse part was getting rid of Dazai's scent out of everything no matter how much he washed the sheets the bed still smelled like Dazai, not to mention all of Dazai's clothes were still there. Which he's slept in Dazai's shirts more then he'd like to admit recently.

Today being Chuuya's day off he decided to continue cleaning up the mess he's made in the last six months broken glass everywhere, blood somehow ended up on the ceiling, there were multiple holes in the walls, floors, ceilings, he had even managed to destroy the bathtub. He made a mental note to stop drinking while upset.He looked around at the mess and decided to start cleaning up the broken glass first. After about 6 hours had gotten up all the glass, got the blood off the ceiling which he wasn't sure how it had got there in the first place, he had fixed all the wholesale in the wall. He sat down on the couch to take a breather but ended up regretting it soon after.

Memories of him and Dazai spending their time off laying in bed, cuddling and watching movies together. Come flooding into Chuuya's mind, followed by the self doubt and why did he leave me, was I not good enough, did he have someone else, did I even mean anything to him thoughts. Chuuya got up not quite sure where he was going or what he was doing he just had to keep himself busy. He ended up in the floor of the shower with his knees pulled up to his chest and his forehead resting on his knees. He did know what to do he just knew he had to make the pain stop. He didn't know how much more he could take, his whole world had crumbled the night Dazai abandoned him. Something silver caught his eye it was sticking out of a loose tile on the wall. Removing the tile the object fell to the shower floor water hitting it. He picked the object which he could now see was a razor. It had what looked like dried blood on it, he had the sneaking suspicion the razor had belonged to Dazai. The whole 3 years they had known each other he never thought to ask Dazai why his arms, thighs and neck were always in bandages he figured it was some fashion choice, but upon seeing the razor it all made sense it was simply to hide the scars and fresh marks. Sitting back where he was Chuuya twirled the razor between his fingers, He didn't see what was so Appealing about hurting yourself was it for some sort of sick and twisted pleasure or did it really help. Chuuya set their thinking for a good fifteen minutes on it, the heart ache and pain in bis chest was getting worse again. Grabbing the razor he slid it across his upper thigh. He had to admit it stung but made everything numb as it lightly bleed. He signed and laid his head back against the wall just watching his leg bleed and the water wash it away with his worries. After sitting there for another fifteen minutes the water turned cold. He leg had stopped bleeding so he decided to get out. He dried off throwing on one of Dazai's button up shirts and crawled into the giant California king bed he now had to him self. Curling up in the blankets and cuddling Dazai's pillow he passed out.

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A/N:the trigger warning is for every chapter unless stated at the beginning. That's all for now but hey if you liked it why not leave me some feedback.