Unseen Scars

The Closet: Story

     I don't remember when I first realized that I liked those of the same sex as myself. I remember that I was always looking at a girl's butt as she walked by me or staring at her chest. Of course, that was when I was younger. I have learned to control that as I have grown older.
     Once I began dating girls, I felt more comfortable with who I was. Being with boys romantically made me feel as thoughbi was conforming to some unwritten rule in society. My parents didn't know, of course. They would never be okay with it simply because of their personal beliefs. My friends were happy for me that I was being open with who I was. I even decided to come out anonymously online. Everything went quite well for a while.
     My parents are a different issue. They are super religious and my mom is slightly homophobic. To clarify, they are full blown Catholics who believe that a man is to marry a woman and vis-versa. I was afraid to tell them because they may have tried to do something about it, i.e. attempt to exercise the 'demon' in me or make me read the Bible. Something alont those lines. I didn't want to deal with that at the time.
     My days were relatively normal at school. Go to school, hang out with my girlfriend, go home, do homework. Pretty simple and organized. Life went on like that through middle school. My first year of high school is when it all changed.
     First day of high school and I decided to dress as a guy. So I would bind down my chest and wear men's clothing. I walked into the school doors and was instantly made fun of. Names complete with derogatory phrases haunted me throughout the day.

"Look at the transgender freak!"

"You're a girl. You should be dressing like one."

"Fag!"

"Stupid faggot!"

"Cross-dresser's don't belong here."

"It's no wonder why your family hates you."

     Aside from the hateful coments, I would also be shoved into lockers and beat up. I would lie to my parents saying things like; "I fell down the stairs at school," or "I ran into a door frame at school," to explain my bruises. I would also change my clothes when I got to school to avoid any questions from my parents.
     Soon, my girlfriend left me. So I was single and she had a boyfriend. I began to steal liquor from the fridge late at night to cope with the depression I felt after she left. My sophomore year I gave myself a lip piercing. At some point I started cutting myself as a form to deal with all my depression and the incessant bullying at school. I continued to dress like a guy and I dated a couple other girls but they never lasted more than a week or two.
      I finally told my parents my senior year of high school and they kicked me out saying, "I was an abomination to humanity and society." I was in my 20's when it finally became legal for gay marriage. Things do get better. All I had to do was push through it. As of now, I am happy and as gay as I want to be. I dress like a guy and I have a beautiful girl that makes me happy.

Love yourself for who you are. 💙💚💛💜❤