Habit; Soonhoon

04

♧

THIS ISN'T IT.

Soonyoung's got this stupid effect on him, it's really terrible. Like biting down on metal or pinching a nerve. Like not good.

And it's sort of Soonyoung, but at the same time it sort of isn't; he's wonderful and kind and gentle, he's everything he's always been, but he's got all this fog tied to him that makes it so hard for Jihoon to really feel comfortable around him the way he seems comfortable around Jihoon. The latter can't quite see past it.

They've hung out maybe three more times since that night at the cafe - the night on which they both silently agreed to not bring up the past and tried their best to act normally under the circumstances - and all three times the contact was initiated by Soonyoung, the conversation carried by Soonyoung, the laughter and smiles and joking all coming from Soonyoung - because Jihoon's always been scarily nervous to contribute.

He's affected so much more than the other boy, which only makes it so much worse.

Because Soonyoung's moved on, at least enough to be unbothered by the prospect of being friends again, but something's got Jihoon's stomach twisting. Something's telling him he's not as over their relationship as he thought he was, and the thought of Soonyoung being the opposite makes him kind of queasy, to be honest.

Either way, this isn't it. They're friends now. Again. Something Jihoon hadn't expected to happen after they broke up, but - well, here they are.

They talk about daily things, normal things; the type of things that are big enough to mean something, but not so significant as to invoke any dangerous emotion. Which, Jihoon has decided, is what emotion really is in most cases - dangerous.

"You got that promotion? Gosh, Jihoonie, that's great. I'm really happy for you."

"Yeah, I mean. I've really thrown myself into my work lately. I guess it finally paid off."

"You've always been like that," Soonyoung beams. "It's admirable." He pauses, though, his expression morphing into something a little more pinched with worry - "You are taking care of yourself though, aren't you? I know you tend to overwork yourself, and you forget to eat properly and sleep, and - when's the last time you did laundry? You haven't been forgetting to - ?"

"Relax," Jihoon interrupts, flustered for God knows what reason. "I'm fine, sort of. I'm still shit at being an adult - but the others ... I mean, you don't think Jeonghan's really gonna let me rot away in my apartment, do you?"

"Ah, right," Soonyoung says, laughing a little. "Sometimes I forget that - that - " that there are other people to take care of you, Jihoon thinks when Soonyoung can't seem to say it himself. The latter cuts himself off and starts a new sentence, scratching the back of his neck and giggling like air, nervous, "Jeonghan is a bit of a mom, isn't he?"

"Always has been."

"Where would we be without him?"

"I don't know about you, but I'd definitely be dead by now. Or hospitalized. Or living in my parents' basement."

"He's done a lot for us," Soonyoung says, resting his chin in his palm, and he speaks softly this time. "They all have," uttered in a breath. It takes Jihoon a moment to understand.

Oh. Oh.

Quiet, quiet, stretched out silence, because neither one of them knows how to follow up on that. Jihoon can't call him out for breaking the unspoken rule - technically, Soonyoung didn't bring up their relationship, not explicitly; he just stated a fact.