Habit; Soonhoon

05

♧

JIHOON CAN'T REALLY say what it is he was expecting to happen on this seemingly-average Thursday night - maybe he would finish up that project, get started on the book he bought just the other day, who knows - but this was definitely not it.

"Are you busy?" Soonyoung asks, voice carrying, breathless, down the line.

"Maybe."

"Please don't be."

Soonyoung had called three times already; the first two times, Jihoon had let his phone ring and ring until it stopped, but by the third, he'd begun to worry. He picked up, and concern had nestled itself well in his stomach when Soonyoung's tone came out all wiry and nervous.

"Are you okay? Is everything alright?"

"No, it's not."

"What's wrong?"

It's quiet for so long, Jihoon can feel a familiar panic prickling at his skin, almost burning. He's about to ask again, try to get the boy to say anything so long as it's audible, but he doesn't have to.

Soonyong speaks in something close to a whisper, saying, "Can you come over? I promise it's not as bad as I'm making it sound, it's just - I'm just not doing really great right now, and I'd really like it if you were here."

Jihoon feels it. A rock, weighing heavy and guilty in place of his heart when he responds.

"Soon, we can't do this."

"I'm not trying to get at something," he promises quietly. "Just ... please."

Jihoon feels like he's just swallowed an entire jar of honey, coating his throat in something thick and sickening, dripping heavy into the pit of his stomach. He's worried, of course he is, but he's not sure this is such a good idea.

Then again, the worst can only happen if he lets it.

"I'll be there in ten."

—

"What is it?" he says, not even two seconds after Soonyoung answers the door. He flinches at the question.

"Please don't be mad ... "

"Oh my God, don't tell me you called me all the way here for nothing."

"No, no, but it's - it's really dumb. Like, really dumb." Jihoon sighs.

"Out with it."

The boy in front of him smiles strangely - and it's not a smile, really, more just his lips twitching abruptly into a nervous sort of grimace - and Jihoon catches his fingers fiddling with each other behind his back as he steps aside to let him in.

"Okay, so. God, please don't hate me - "

"For Christ's sake, Soonyoung, just tell me. I won't hate you."

"Promise?"

Jihoon sighs again, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he moves further into Soonyoung's apartment. "I promise," he says.

"Right, well, I was watching - I was watching, you know - "and he gestures - gestures is a really soft word, actually, what he does is more jerking - with his arm to the TV in his living room, and Jihoon's eyes follow the motion to find a familiar sight on screen.

It's Gilmore Girls, which surprises him into a hush, because Jihoon hasn't watched the show in months, not since he and Soonyoung broke up, and he sort of assumed the other had stopped watching it, too - but the hush is broken as soon as it's formed when he can't help the giggling that rises from his throat, pushing its way out like a hoard of bubbles, and he can't stop it, not even when Soonyoung's cheeks tinge bright pink and his arm falls limply to his side.