Pain of the Past

Chapter One

Betrayal and Moving on

Don't you know people can be dead, even before they've died.

        Ever since my best friend betrayed me and then all of my other friends left me, my world has been crumbling down. Depression has made me its host, suicide takes over my thoughts. No one knows of my constant pain and what my body does to try and survive, my minds attempts at numbing the pain. I used to be this happy go lucky kind of girl, but all that changed when she turned everyone at school against me.

-6 months prior-

      As Star and I were walking down the hallways as usual on our way to go home. While we walked I noticed that Star was acting a bit strangely. When we got to the split separating my road from hers' I decided to ask her what was on her mind. We wait to cross at the stop sign as a blue sedan drives slowly past us.

"Hey Star, is something wrong?" She tilts her face towards me and makes a small smile.

"Fern I don't think we should be friends anymore." she says and turns to walk away. I stand with my open, we've been friends for years.

"W.. what?!?" I ask her surprised.

She turns back to face me," I just don't think we fit anymore, were sophomores now and I think it's best if we made new friends." She turns back and walks away.

     I stand by the road for a little longer before pulling myself together and start walking home. A few days later and the weekend is over, I walk to school and here a few whispers here and there about mine and Stars unfriending. As I walk into school my other friends begin to avoid me. There are a few rumors about me floating around the school but they aren't to bad. But as the days pass the rumors begin to get worse, more confusing.

'Who would do this?' I ask myself. But the only person that comes to mind is Star. Was this the reason she wanted our friendship to end, so she could spread rumors about me. By now even my family has heard the rumors and have suggested we move to get a fresh start. I agreed but wanted to wait a while to see if they would die down and fade away.

-Present time-

     The rumors never stopped, that's why I'm in my room packing up everything I own. The pain in my heart and the pain inflicted on my skin hinders me a bit, but soon the pain fades and I'm left to listen as my music blares from my stereo speakers.I dance to the beat of Prom Queen by Molly Kate Kestner, as I begin to pack my clothes into one of my duffle bags. As I begin to pack I realize just how much I've changed over the past six months. Most of my clothes are now black to match my natural hair color. I've become depressed and suicidal, not trusting anyone with my problems afraid they will betray me as well.

       I used to love dancing, I even did a few competitions but now dancing is only a way for me to express my emotions and even then sometimes it's just not enough. My once baby blue nails are now always black so is my room. I hardly talk or eat. My parents seem a bit worried but they think it's just a phase I'm going through. But they don't know about the scars or the open wounds on my wrists and thighs that say otherwise. They don't know how many times I've sat in my room crying and slicing ky skin open wishing I was dead so I wouldn't have to go through this pain anymore.

     I'll probably never have the courage to go through with it. My brother who is just two years younger than me, is always trying to make me happy and is constantly bringing me snacks and something to drink. As I'm packing my last bit of clothing there's a knock on my bedroom door. I sigh and quickly pack up my clothes then toss my duffel onto my bed.

"Come in!" I yell over my music. My brother opens the door with a plate in his hand. He walks over to my stereo and turns my music down, then turns to me.

"You haven't eaten today, so I brought you a PB&J sandwich." He says and hands me the plate.

"Thanks Sammy." I say as he leaves my room shutting the door behind him. I set the plate down and turn my music back up.

       I continue packing up my room saving my stereo for last. As I finish up everything along with my stereo, I get out my earbuds and hook them up to my phone and blast music in my ears. I carry the few boxes I have downstairs and to the moving truck waiting outside. After that's done I go back to my room and sit on my now empty bed. I'll be leaving it behind and getting a new one. I grab the sandwich my brother made me and slowly eat it, as usual it tastes great. I finish quickly and take my plate downstairs and set it in the sink, we'll be getting new dishes as well. I hiss under my breath as one of my cuts reopen and starts bleeding. I hurry to the bathroom and quickly cover it with a bandaid.

"Fern, are you ready to go?" My mother calls from the front door.

"Ya! I'll be there in a second." I quickly stuff the bandaids into my backpack along with my razors.

     I swing the bag over my shoulder and walk to the front door and pause. I sigh before walking outside, my mom is talking to my dad so I walk to her car and slip into passenger seat. Mom starts walking to the car so I set my bag in between my legs, she opens her door and sits down and gives me a slight glance, then starts the car and pulls out of the drive. I turn up my music as Five Finger Death Punch, I apologize plays in my ears.

     I slowly wake up as mom shakes my shoulder as an attempt to wake me. I groan and rub the sleep from my eyes, then look down at my phone to check what time it is, 6:30 p.m., we left the old house at about three or so. I had a few good hours of sleep on our way here. I press pause on my phone and take out my earbuds, then turn to face her with a questioning look.

"We're here." She says and gets out of the car.

    I slowly open the passenger side door and step out of the car. I look around and notice that we are surrounded by large oak and maple trees. I look up at the house and make my way to it, slinging my bag over my shoulder along the way. The two story white house with a wrap around porch, sits in the clear area in the middle of the trees. I walk inside and immediately try to find my room. Like it has been for the last six months the door is black anlong with the room, I find it and open the door, Just as expected everything is black, the curtains, my bedframe, the carpet is a greyish color and the ceiling fan as well. I toss my bag onto my bed then I go back outside to get my boxes out of the truck.

      I pass my mom and give her a small smile. I get out two of the boxes labeled Fern's room and take them up to my room and set them down. Then continue the process until all my boxes are up in my room. I close the door and look for the box labeled stereo. I find it under a box of m clothes and hook everything up and then plug my phone into the aux cord. I blast 'I will not Bow' by Breaking Benjamin, and begin to unpack some of my boxes. I put away some of my clothes and get the stuff for my bed out. I make my bed and change into pajamas, then crawl into bed and close my eyes hoping to get a few hours of sleep.

    I jolt awake from the nightmare flooding my head, with a strangled gasp. The pain from a few months ago comes back, spreading like a wildfire through my veins. The only way I've found to stop the pain is the very thing that has become my cure for the pain. All I need to do is...... cut.