Demons, monsters, vampires, ghosts so many things that go bump in the night. And yet, yet I have to deal with them! THEM!!! Why though, did god hate me enough to casually have gone through the menu of scary monsters and then popped his tounge saying " yeah! This one shall be perfect! Parcel them by the truckload to my favourite Edlin Smith, make sure you make them extra cranky!". I would have given anything, anything for this to stop. But as the doors flew open and the horde started swarming into my direction, I gulped I could have taken on a handful of zombies instead. But no!!! Here I am standing in this shitty place about to start my whole daily routine of sobs and drool all over again! Welcome to hell, welcome to Toys'r'us! Fuck my life.... Edlins p.o.v (but you already knew that) :-
"Jesus christ!" I literally am so done right now. The girl looks at me like nothings wrong, like I am an idiot while she is the one with a huge plastic plate in her mouth. Honestly how did she even get that out? Thats part of a whole set which should be tightly packe.. nevermind she has a knife. I just raised an eyebrow at the knife my mouth gaping in disgust. She shoots me an annoyed look and then flips me off. Well this 5 year old is disturbed. I cough "you look like you'll be okay then!" I twirled on my feet and left her, to hopefully choke to death. I really dont have anything against kids. Trust me, I dont really hate ALL of them... just those who breath. I pace up to the front of my aisle where two lil wannabe Han Solos were battling it out for the last remaining light sabre. "Hey!, no fighting!" I approached them, they ignored me brawling it out on the floor. I shrugged my shoulders, whaaaale I did try me best! Anywho the fight was getting interesting, so I just leaned into the shelf watching both of them. One of them managed to free the others grip on the toy and hit the loser hard in the face with the back of the light sabre. Yeah! Smack that bitch!!! The winner left with his light sabre victorious, while the loser looked up to me tears in his eyes. I shrugged "you're weak" before leaving. Behind me the idiot burst into pathetically gross sobs and grunts. Zeb could take care of that anyways, he's always on damage control. I replaced some of the toys those demons had strewn all over the place. A small tug on my uniform turns my attention to the girl beside me. Uh oh it's the return of knife girl! She smiles sweetly "I'm sorey I was rude to you!". I smile back, working here was not always that bad. She tugs at my hand leading me to the back of the aisle. "I made you a surprise!" She giggles. I follow expecting some clay model made from the free clay we had today. Instead she leads me straight to this.
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There is a naked, mutilated barbie with, what I'm guessing is ketchup, funny thing is I'm not entirely sure its actually ketchup, and I dont wanna even know. The elf that had the barbies head on its lap will never be the same for me. She grinned coyly whispering "Isn't she pretty.... she's you!" "NOPE" I hightailed the fuck out sprinting towards the managers booth, fuck what I said earlier, working here is an absolute nightmare, that girl has some serious issues! Her parents should exchange her for a nice bottle of vintage red wine as a reward for being able to put up with her for however long they did! "Hey Zeb? Theres a psychopath in my aisle!" I whined, letting him know it was his area of expertise required now. He doesn't even move a muscle staring at HER in the sports aisle. I rolled my eyes, Mr lover could stare creepily some other day! "Zeb!" I yelled banging both my hands on his booth. He jumped, then quickly pushing his glasses back nodded "yeah?!". I grinned at how easily this guy got flustered. "I said there's a demon child in my aisle that I want you to exorcise!". He frowned at my choice of words, looking up behind me to the girl I was pointing at. "Aww come on! She looks like a lil angel, what is she like 4,5?!!!" I cringed remembering my own judgemental error "looks can be pretty deceiving mate!" He shook his head getting out of his booth "you know what I'll go talk to her, try scare her away from your aisle or something". I pulled him back "Nah uh! Find her mother and ask her to get the hell out. Dont go anywhere near Elizabeth Bathory Jr.!!!" I pleaded. He grinned surprised "you do pay attention in history class!!!" I rolled my eyes "yeah only to the good stuff! Back to my point! Please dont ok? If you die then who'll complete my maths turn in thats due this monday!!!". He sighed "it's ok, she's just a kid". He swirled around, but he barely had taken a single step when she flicked open her pocket knife staring at us with blank eyes and a kindda clownish face. Zeb froze in his tracks and quickly spun towards the right. "Actually... I think I'm gonna go find the mother!". I smirked at the idiot. I hoisted myself up sitting on the counter of Zeb's booth while my eyes ran over the whole floor taking in all the different kinds of people we had in today. There were the expecting couple in the baby aisle waddling around obviously looking for plushies and teethers for their unborn (seriuosly though, they'll be wishing they had bought ear muffs and a bottle of sleeping pills in a few months time now), there were the toddlers in my aisle sobbing for their moms to get them what they wanted, the visiting grandparents and uncles and aunts in the discount section where they hoped to find some cheap joy for their respective demon kids, actual smart move as the same toy will definately be scattered in a thousand different places in a span of 2 days, the nerds at the brain games aisle, and last but not the least the mischief makers in sports aisle. That last bit actually put a smile on my face as I watched Ajax struggling to bring her aisle to peace. She never misses the oppurtunity to rub the fact that she got the better aisle in my face, so I dont hesitate to bring up the fact that she cant even manage it every chance I get. She let out a sigh looking up to meet my eyes I smirked letting her know that I knew how miserably she was failing. She frowned rolling her eyes and turning away. I was about to call out to her to pass some snarky remark when Zeb came back accompanied with the girl and her distraught mother. The mother was apologizing like there was no tomorrow. I kindda felt bad for the lady. If that lunatic was mine I would have left her in front of a church cause this little girl needed god... and therapy. The girl stared at me like I had just killed her entire family or something. And as they left she turned to me with a smirk "I'll get you someday barbie..." she whispered before chuckling and leaving. I turned towards Zeb who looked equally creeped out and sighed "okay! Time to get a restraining order!!!". He chuckled his eyes wandering back to the sports aisle watching Ajax put back the basketballs in their places. She caught his eye and he smiled at her, she frowned at him doing her signature eye roll before turning around and rudely murmuring 'fucking twat' under her breath. I jumped off the counter, moving towards her wanting to give her a piece of my mind, nobody and by that I meant NOBODY gets to be rude to my best bud... except me. Zeb grabbed my arm pulling me back "Dont!" He said sternly. I whined "Zebbbbbbb...." he just shakes his head giving me an 'it's alright' look and smiling innocently. This boy is too pure for this world especially for that bitch. I sighed leaning onto his desk beside him "fine! But you need to stop ogling at her when she doesn't even look at you like a human. Please". He raised an eyebrow "I dont ogle at her!!!". I snorted "You look at her like she's your last respite in this wicked wicked world, like she's a godsent angel here to protect your miserable soul from the darkness within". He gave me a wierd look "you're wierd, you know that?" "Yet my aisle is the one that sells the most!" I said loud enough for Zeb's stupid crush to hear. She did, muttering something under her breath. It was true though, she my have had the best aisle but mine sold the most, and I was unusually proud of that! Zeb groaned, taking a quick glance at Ajax "you're doing this to piss her off, aren't you?". I smiled innocently at him "I dont know what you're talkin bout buddy". He shook his head "I really hate you". "But you still love me Zebadiah!" I squealed hugging him. His eyes went wide as he covered my mouth with his hand "Dont you dare eddie! Dont call me by my full name!". I wiggled my eyebrows knowing he hated it. But behind him my eyes caught onto Ajax's as she gave me an eye burning glare. I smirked at her getting closer to Zeb and she immediately clenched her fists, shooting daggers at me. I put my arms around Zeb's neck flipping her off with both my hands behind Zeb's back. She visibly snarled and turned away. Zeb cocked an eyebrow "what are you doing?" I smiled "Only the necessary!" and returned back to my aisle. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous, oh no! This is far from jealousy. Zeb is like a lil brother to me. We have been going to the same college for 2 years now, he's my classmate and safe to say my single trustworthy friend, all others are fucking disgraces to human kind. He's sweet, kind hearted, naive but mostly a dimwit! And that's where I come into the picture. I am his bodyguard whether he likes it or not. Now Ajax here, stupid spoiled princess, Ajax is... to put it straight not the kindda person I trust him with. Oh no no no Ms. Campbell is from one of those uptown neighborhoods where you have a lawn the size of somebody else's whole house and bathtubs the size of fucking Olympic pools. Unfortunately she goes to the same college as us, and most unfortunately works at the same place as us! She doesn't have to but she's got one of 'those' philosophical dads who want their dumb kids to grow some brains and stand on their own feet. I really dont have a problem with any of it. No I really dont, but the thing that ticks me off is that she treats everyone especially Zeb like a piece of crap, and YET expects him to still be head over heels for her (which he pathetically is). So I as the best friend have every right to mess up all of her stupid fantasies. I could have gone on and on about this in a baseless rant but those monsters never let me have my peace do they?! I literally skipped to my aisle quickly positioning myself as a support rod to the shelf which was about to fall over. Yeah kids!!! its a great idea to just climb on the shelves to get whatever you want... The kid who would have been flattened into a pancake if I hadn't stopped the shelf looked at me like I was something superhuman. "Hey kid! Mind moving your ass off the floor?!" I groaned at the weight as the kid scurried off. Zeb was by my side immediately helping me shove that shelf back up. "Whalllle this day can't get any worse right?" I sighed as my eyes darted to all the scattered toys that had fallen off the shelf onto the floor. Zeb pressed his lips into a thin line "I'll help" Half an hour and an eternity of back pain later I was almost done. Zeb had left to attend to some disgruntled costumer at his booth. I sighed (goddammit I was sighing a lot today!!!) replacing the last plushie onto the shelf. I didnt even have the time to get up and appreciate my handiwork when a basketball came flying accross the room and straight into the shelf. The toys scattered like ants all over the floor,... again. I seethed under my breath, scowling as I looked back. Ajax had a smirk on her face. I cocked my head to the side giving her my own version of a psychopathic smile. Zeb who saw me immediately frowned scared "uh oh" The next thing they knew the ball was flying back at the bitch and smacked her in the middle of her pretty face.
- 2 hours later -
"I just think you need some time off Edlin..." Max the main manager sighed. I groaned as I looked back at the damage done today. Plushies were strewn around, toys had parts missing, there was a cycle wedged in Zeb's booth, balls were laying flat the air in them long gone. This wasn't my fault!!! She started it, and I couldn't even have done that much damage with my stupid soft plushie projectiles now, could I?!! I wanted to ask why Ajax wasn't being given this 'time out' too but then the answer was self explanatory, she was the daughter of one of the share holders. Oh they can't do that now can they, imagine the horrors! She stood there smirking but her swollen red face was all I had needed to call myself victorious. Zeb gave me an apologetic look I smiled back at him. Max continued "Just two days ok? Boss will calm down by then and you can join back. Okay?". I frowned, well I was in need of a mini vacation anyways. "Fine!" I huffed. Yesssssss! Now I could sit back in my apartment and binge watch Sherlock while gorging on pizza! Why the fuck had I not done this before? No more screaming psychos for me for two whole days. I made my way to my apartment, grabbing a large pizza on the way. There was a couple going at it not so far from my apartment in the alleyway. I frowned giving them an unnapproving look. The groans and inhumane screams making me wanna puke. As I passed by them the guy's head whips towards me gurgling and screeching. The darkness kindda obsecures them but I can makeout some kindda gross mask on his face and liquid on the girls neck. Ewww! Whatever they are foreplaying at, it's disturbingly gross. He reaches out a hand to me gurgling! I skip away "Yeah, no! Kids and their freaky kinks these days!"
Oh if only I knew...
A/N *crunching sounds* *abrupt halt with chocking noises* Oh hey! *puts the packet of potato chips away* Umm you are here early. Ahem... um just a sec? Dumbie!!! They are here!!! What?! In the authors note, already?! Wasn't that what I just said?... you better hurry up now!
Goddammit! I'm in the motherchucking bathroom psy! Cant you just handle this? ...Umm no... Oh for fucks sake just keep them entertained, ask their views on the chapter, on the charecters, tell them a joke or two?!! *
sigh* Let me just warn you I suck at this soooo.... Yeah how was the first chapter I guess? Lame!!! Hey I am trying here gangz, why dont you give it a shot?! Gangz? Bah I swear that girl is Harry Potter in disguise! Anywho, speaking of jokes this chapter wasnt very entertaining now was it? I swear I keep telling dumbie how dumb this was but she says it was just a 'filler' or whatever. So yeah I guess the fun starts from next chapter onwards or something. .. ... yeah I really suck at this.. I dont know how to end it.... So bye... I guess...
