Ashes to Ashes.

Old woes and new fears.

Kaya

I stood in the hallway, surrounded by a sea of people, each face was more confused that the last. That didn't stop them from giving me a look. Some form of twisted expression that summarised what ever words they couldn't say.

A picture says a thousand words right? There expressions said a million, from the looks of disgust from the football team, to the looks of hatred from the plastics, to the looks of confusion from the new freshman.

It really was official. I was a senior.

I imagined this day for almost twelve years. I imagined it a whole lot better than it actually was. I even had an outfit picked out. I was going to wear this cute pink skirt and a lemon yellow t-shirt, and ballet flats. My hair would have been its natural blonde and I would have pulled it up into a preppy pony tail.

I'd have this amazing boyfriend attached to my arm and Emer would be teasing me over our PDA. She would flick her hair and tell me to roll with it. It's not like a guy like him comes around very often.

I would deny it, then turn to Layla, who wasn't dressed in black but shades of blue and denim, she'd grin and take Emer's side. 

She usually did.

I'd turn to Emily but she was already talking about the pros and cons of contraception and Brooke would smile shyly, her nose buried in the reading she should have finished over the summer.

It was a stupid fantasy, but it was something that I had treasured my whole life. It was my dream and my hope, something that couldn't be taken away from me. At least, not entirely.

"Kaya are you OK?"

I turned around to look over my shoulder.

Brooke leaned against a locker with a small smile on her lips. It faded as soon as she saw my expression. She reached out a manicured hand and placed it on my shoulder.

"It's so weird being back here. I mean, the start of a new school year without Emer. It's unreal."

I said, not meeting her eyes. My gaze lingered on the students as they made their way to class.

Brooke sighed, her breath hitched a little and she nodded. "I know. She'd be scoring all the new guys from a one to ten and deducing the nominees for potential boyfriend material."

"She'd totally be arguing with Emily right now about the outrageous choice in clothing. Em has. Emmy always seemed to love that."I smiled. Emily and Emer both had a passion for all things fashion but whilst Emer's taste was modern and sophisticated, Emily tended to dip into vintage looks.

"Layla would be putting a stop to it, saying that Em can wear whatever she wants. Emmy would apologise." Brooke smiled, one of remembrance and sadness. Her eyes were watering slightly at the fantasy, I knew like me, she wished this alternate version was reality.

"Emer would apologise and then take Emily shopping after school for outfits she'll never ever wear."

I added softly.

Brooke squeezed me to her in a slight hug and we both laughed but it was shaky almost forced. I guess we'd both rather fake a laugh than burst into tears.

"We have to get you to class. What do you have first?"

I glanced down at the crumpled paper I clenched in my hand. "English with Matherson."

Brooke Grinned, "Me too."

Brooke and i walked to class arm and arm. It felt so weird to have her with me. Her support was exactly what I needed.