EatJin (JinxBTS+ARMY)

Chapter 4: Worthless and Helpless

WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF HARM!!

Jin's P.O.V.

The words rang through my head

'I just want to die'

die

Death was a thought that surprisingly didn't cross my mind often.

But once it did I couldn't stop myself.

Maybe I should die.

Do I really mean anything?

All I do is fuck up right?

I'm really just a burden...

I'm fat

I'm gross

I'm ugly

I'm selfish

I'm a burden

The thoughts just got worse and worse.

The depression cloud was raining Hell on my mind

and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

And then the lighting struck

I'm worthless

The words hit me like a truck

Worthless

'What is worthless?'

'You' a demon inside my mind answered

And I helplessly agreed,

too tired to fight.

And when the thoughts rained down so hard that they flooded

their only escape was my eyes.

And I helplessly let them fall.

I gave myself a judging session in the mirror.

My eyes were dull and puffy.

My cheeks were flushed with clear tracks burning holes in my skin.

My lips were chapped.

I was shirtless and in my underwear, not motivated enough to fix that.

In short I looked like a mess.

I sat on the toilet seat.

Getting my razor out with one hand

and running the other up and down my gross legs.

I saw that I didn't have any room left on my thighs to cut.

I sighed and looked down at my clean wrists.

'Don't do it.'

'you're gonna regret this'

'Do it you worthless piece of shit'

'you know you deserve this'

'no one would care anyway'

I brought the cold metal to my wrist.

All of the ranging storm inside me was released.

The next thing I saw was blood

a lot of blood,

so much blood.

The cuts throbbed.

I looked down at them.

'oh God, oh God, oh God'

They were deep, really deep.

'isn't this what you wanted?'

'Yes'

'then just let it happen.'

so I did.

The sound of my razor hitting the floor was the last thing my brain picked up on before the world went dark around me.

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A/N: Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed. There really isn't a lot for me too say lol, see you next chapter!