Embers & Ice

Chapter Twenty-Five

"I’M GOING TO MURDER HIM!”

“Joshua calm down.” Jenny sat on the edge of the stiff bed in their hotel room, watching Joshua storm around and drop icicles on the carpet. “He’s not running away, he’s just getting some fresh air. What do you expect, he’s been sitting in a car all day and now he has to sit in a hotel room.”

“I told him,” Joshua growled, “not to leave my sight. And you were distracting me, weren’t you?”

“What? I didn’t-”

“You two planned this, didn’t you?” He marched over to her and snatched the collar of her sweater. She fell back on the bed, frozen in shock. “Didn’t you!”

Jenny had never seen Joshua so furious, his pale eyes hard and menacing, his fingers shooting cold vibes through her chest as he gripped her tight. But she knew the ice inside his heart was only abusing his anger, using Eli as an excuse to release rage. She’d spent enough time with him to know that much.

“Let me go Joshua,” she said slowly. “Please.”

His eyes flinched, looking back and forth between hers, the room so silent she could hear the cars in the street twenty floors down. Then he unclenched his fingers and Jenny flopped on the mattress.

“I’m sorry. I… I just can’t do this.” He ran a hand through his slick black hair. “I can’t worry about Hunter and worry about him too.”

Jenny didn’t know quite what to say. Yes, Joshua was over reacting. Eli had been gone for only an hour now, and Joshua freaked out as though he should call the authorities. Jenny knew Eli only wanted to get away from the both of them, to explore after being cooped up in a laboratory like a prisoner. The hotel they’d stopped in smelt terrible, and it made her nervous to sleep in her bed, so to be honest, Jenny didn’t blame him for running away.

But after nearly being killed by the Agents, she didn’t want to leave Joshua’s side for even a second. Perhaps she just wasn’t as brave.

“Worrying about Hunter doesn’t bring her back,” she finally said, “and Eli can take care of himself.”

“You don’t get it. It’s been me and her since the beginning. I’ve fought to protect Hunter since the day I promised her mother I would, and now she’s gone and I’m stuck with you two. I just don’t know how to… how to be.”

Jenny nodded, even though she wasn’t sure what he meant. But she could see the strain in his eyes. She knew even before he admitted it that Hunter meant the world to Joshua and every day she was out there in the unknown killed him a little more inside. Her heart ached for him, and she wanted to find Hunter just as much as he did. But there was nothing they could do.

“Joshua listen to me.” She stood up and walked to him as he leant on the small refrigerator. “I know you want to find Hunter. But there are more important things to do first, like fix your mistakes. Eli needs his memory back. If Hunter finds out what you did, she’ll hate you even more.”

“No. She thinks he’s dead, Jenny. She’ll forgive me once she knows what really happened.”

Jenny longed to put a hand on Joshua’s shoulder, to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure he was ready for that. “Forgiveness is a difficult and fragile thing. It takes time. If she and Eli are reunited and he actually remembers who he is and what they shared together, then there’s a chance she will forgive you. But it will traumatize her when she finds out he doesn’t love her.”

“He has to love her,” said Joshua. “It has to be there somewhere.”

So he does see the love, but only when the ice isn’t warping his mind. Jenny watched Joshua with pity and fascination. A desire to fix things and make amends was painted across his sharp features. He truly has faith in Hunter’s love for Eli, but when he loses control and the ice takes over, love does not exist anymore. If only he could find some way to block out this split personality from hell, none of this would be happening.

“It is there Joshua,” she said. “But right now his mind is fragile. That’s why we need to fix his memory. In the meantime, Hunter will just have to wait to be rescued.”

Joshua bit his lip. There were tears brewing in his eyes that he tried desperately to hold back. “I just want to know if she’s safe. I need to know.”

Jenny reached out with a shaking hand, very slowly, as though she were about to touch a frightened animal, and placed her hand gently over his. As she expected, it was colder than an icepack. The friction of their grip shocked him and he yanked his hand away, turning his back on her.

“Joshua, I-”

“Thank you, Jenny, for your… advice.” He started walking to the door. “I’ll let you know when Eli returns.”

Jenny wanted to let him go, but her heart wouldn’t allow it. She ran after him, grabbed his shoulder and yanked him around to face her. Something in her mind was screaming warning signals, and every muscle in her body was tensing, afraid of where her heart was taking her. But everything, all her thoughts and morals and fears and emotions, blew away in a breath of air. She grabbed him by the collar – just as he’d done moments ago – shoved him against the door and kissed him.

It was by far the strangest kiss she’d ever had – and Jenny had kissed a lot of men. None of them had a power like Joshua, and none of them were in such an emotionally traumatic state, but none of them had a heart like she knew he possessed. Why she had these urges so suddenly was a mystery to her, but it just felt… right.

Joshua didn’t move at all. He stood stock-still against the door as she kissed him, completely taken aback. But once the surprise was over, he still didn’t move. She wondered with her hands drifting down over his chest if this was the first time he’d ever kissed a woman, because he was either still completely flabbergasted or he just didn’t know what to do with his hands, or his tongue. It was like pressing her lips against a dead fish.

The moment that thought occurred to her, she broke away and stepped back in such a hurry that she nearly tripped over his pack lying against the wall.

Joshua’s mouth was still hanging half open. 

Oh my God, what did I do?

“Uh… I think you’d better leave,” was all she managed to say. Not ‘sorry Joshua, I shouldn’t have been so forward’ or ‘why didn’t you kiss me back?’ Just a harsh kick in the butt. No wonder you’re not married Jenny, the new and inferior voice in her mind sighed.

But Joshua was all too happy to oblige. Shock plastered across his pale face, he fumbled with the door and then hurried awkwardly away, leaving Jenny alone in the room to wallow in her embarrassment and hope she could find something that would suffice as a noose.