all of them dreams.

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i woke up sleep deprived and then confused when i noticed that the side nathan had slept on was cold and empty. the blanket had been drawn back and his satchel was gone along with his car keys, i didn't know where he was but i knew i had a class starting within the hour.  so, i pulled my side of the blankets off of my body and started to pull clothes out from my bag that was sitting at the end of nathan's bed, i was searching for my pair of jeans until i came across my camera, tucked between a sweater and a t shirt. i sighed softly as i removed the device and put it on the bed along with my clothes.
i knew i had recent work on there, but my heart ached as i thought of someone's judging eyes looking at it. i didn't have much of an emotional release in seattle, so i put all of it into my photography and when i looked at the photos, i resonated with them, they meant something to me and they made sense, but i felt that if a stranger looked at them, they would just be confused and judge me and my work harshly, maybe i would be seen as immature.

i avoided eye contact with almost everyone who tried to look at me as i walked through the grounds of blackwell academy, my eyes staying on the ground until i was met with my locker, swapping books around but keeping my camera in my hand before walking towards the classroom. there was 10 minutes til class but i still walked to it, hoping that mr. jefferson would be there alone so i could show him my work without anyone else's curious and judgemental eyes. i pushed open the heavy door but didn't hear the voices inside the room until i had also joined them,
"that was the plan, nathan! this was always the plan. you knew this. you agreed to this and now you have to go through with it, knowing that you made this decision," mark spoke harshly down to him as he stood there intimidated, half of me wanted to walk back out of the room, feeling very intrusive but the other half of me wanted to stay with nathan and make sure he was okay, and also ask why he was being yelled at like this by our teacher,
"should i leave, or?" i spoke up and nathan turned to face me, his eyes harsh on mine before he and mark spoke at the same time,
"yes," nathan said,
"no," mark said, his voice overpowering nathan's. i stood in the doorway awkwardly with my camera in my hand, nathan staring at me harshly but i could see softness, almost sadness, behind his eyes, "did you need help with something, rosemary?"
"i can come back after class, it's okay," i nodded before turning on my heel, relieved that i had at least stopped mr. jefferson from yelling at nathan.
"you're here now," mark spoke and i looked over at my shoulder, "you okay?"
"i, um," i turned back around to face the two of them, nathan looking more and more displeased with every second that ticked by, "i found my camera," i started to walk towards the both of them, mark smiled at me softly, "you said you wanted to see my more recent stuff. this is all unedited so it's not great but-"
"stop discrediting yourself," mark spoke, interrupting me, "let me see," he spoke and suddenly nathan huffed loudly and walked out of the room, his footsteps loud against the linoleum,
"is he okay?" i asked mark once i handed him my camera,
"you know how he is sometimes," he shrugged softly once he started flicking through the images on the camera as he leant against the desk, "rosemary, i-" he started but kept flicking through the images, "i don't understand why you are so harsh on yourself," he sighed handing the device back to me, i switched it off and put it into my bag, covering the lens. "there's a lot of emotion in that work... you only used that camera right? no other equipment?" he asked, i nodded,
"yeah," i answered, becoming flustered with his compliments,
"god. you and a studio must be a match made in heaven," he sighed as he walked around to his desk and looked through sheets of paper on his desk, i looked down at the floor as i smiled widely, overcome with joy as he encouraged my work.
"i've never used a studio before," i shrugged softly looking back up at him with blushing cheeks, he looked up at me with furrowed brows,
"please tell me you're kidding," i shook my head and laughed gently in response, he sighed deeply before walking back towards me, "nathan helps me on shoots behind the scenes, to help keep his grades up. like extra curricular work? i need a bit more help than he can manage at times, having you in there would be a blessing,"
"are you inviting me to help you in your studio?" i asked trying to not allow my excitement to peak through, mark nodded as he gave me a smug smile,
"it would be the perfect opportunity for you to see what you can do. expand your horizons,"
"that," i started fighting a smile, "that sounds great," i nodded, "thank you, mr jefferson,"
"call me mark."

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