Bad Habits

four

Yukio Lee

*****

"Seriously, I don't want you guys sitting with me anymore!" We're on the to the back of the school where the busses pick us up. "Why not?" Tyler whines, jumping up and down with a pout. "Because, Tyler. I don't belong with you guys. You should just leave me alone." Hurt flashes in his hazel eyes. I look back down and continue walking.

Tyler remains silently trailing behind us and Katsuro and Itsuki stay by either side of me. We arrive to our big, yellow school bus and Katsuro gestures for me to go first.

I look out the window. I don't understand what's happening to me. I feel like I'm slowly getting sucked underwater. Like I only have a few moments before I snap and stop breathing.

It's scary. I don't know what's wrong. I shouldn't feel this way.

The feeling only grows stronger when I arrive at my house. I feel like the walls are closing in on me.

I start to rush off to my room, when a hand grabs my wrist. I turn around and am greeted by a worried Tyler. "Are you okay? Did something happen at school today?" I shake my head and he nods. I continue my journey up the stairs and rush into my room, closing the door gently. I close my bathroom door as well, and lock it. I understand what is happening.

I slide down onto the floor, limply. I'm having a pity party, I swear. It doesn't feel right. I'm upset and I don't know why. I feel angry, sad, stressed. I pull at my hair, trying to figure out an excuse, anything I can think of.

It's probably just hormones...but it feels so much more than that.

I look at my ivory desk, and notice scissors lying there. I get up in a rush, becoming light headed, and pick up the scissors. I don't know what's going on in my brain when I start cutting my hair. Maybe I just wanted a change.

I gave myself bangs. They were pretty cute, not gonna lie.

I still feel empty. Maybe I should eat, although I don't have an appetite. I lay down slowly on my bed. I hear a knock on my door and quickly pull myself together.

Now is not the time, Yukio.

"What is it?" Ira walks into my room and sits down on my bed. "Ty told me you weren't feeling well. I brought you some vitamins; they should make you feel better." He grins at me and hands over the squishy vitamins. I hesitantly take them, "Thank...Thank you." I can hear my voice breaks and he leaves me there, sitting breathlessly on my white sheets.

I start to cry uncontrollably. I don't know why, but I know I have to.

I sit there for a few hours, the light outside no longer there.

Everyone must be asleep. I cover my mouth, trying to keep from shaking and making noise to wake up Tyler.

The worst kind of break downs are when you're alone in your dark room, trying not to make any noise as your life is falling apart.

It pisses me off, though. Today, being "depressed" is "trendy". What about the people that actually have problems? What about them?

It makes me so mad because I have nothing to be upset about. I have a perfect life, perfect family, perfect grades. I have a friend. I found her yesterday. Her name is Nao. I have friends. So why do I feel this way.

Only thing is, I don't feel anything. I don't feel whole. I'm not suicidal, I know that. I would never take away my life. That's just selfish.

I need some freaking help.

A/N

unedited.