"I hate you because I can't stop loving you..."
In which two opposites attract.
November Coleman has always had it hard, being dealt a bad card in life, especially when outside looking in, she looks like she has everything she could possibly want...
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☾ ☾ ☾ (A/N: she's so unbelievably beautiful 💕💘💖💗💓💞💝💞💓💗💖💘💕💘💖💗💓💞💝)
-WARNING, THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT/ MENTIONS SELF HARM.-
B-
This week has gone by so unbelievably slow, I have nothing to do any no friends. I think it's sad to say that ember is the only person I ever hang out with? I mean I don't mind, it's her of course. I love spending time with her.
And now that she's not around I feel so lonely. We can't even text each other to keep up with the part, Incase Alena looks at her phone.
Alena knows that me and ember live together. So naturally Alena invited ember to stay with her, which I fucking hate the idea of.
The thought of Alena even being any type of close to ember makes me want to smash her head against a wall.
If I had the opportunity I would.
The thing is I don't know how much or how long ember will have to keep this up. Will she have to kiss Alena? Will this gone on for months? Because if so that's going to be really fucking hard, not being able to touch her will drive me crazy.
It's not like I touch her in that way much anyway, because there has been a lot going on lately. But not being able to stare at her, will in fact make me going fucking insane.
Just staring at her can send me almost over the edge. Sometimes when she can't sleep and she wakes up and makes herself food, or takes a shower. When she takes a shower she sometimes walks around in her towel, which makes me want to jump on her.
I can handle not being able to touch her, because a relationship wasn't all about that. I could still think about her though, that didn't stop my mind from wandering though.
She's the definition of gorgeous, not to mention her figure, oh god. Her curvy figure that I miss so much.
She's got great boobs, like seriously really good boobs, and a really good body. An unbelievably sexy body.
now I can't touch her or see her OR Talk to her. That makes it so much worse, and to not know how long this will go on for is insane.
God why couldn't Alena not be a dumb crazy bitch? Like the fuck hoe, why can't you let me have my girlfriend to myself?
- E-
I slept on the couch at Alena's house, and let me just say. I couldn't get Billie out my head. And the fact now, that I don't know long this is going to go for, scares me.
I am stuck with a psychotic manipulative condescending bitch. And might I add that I'm glad Billie hasn't totally rubbed off on me.
So far, she's made at least 7 jokes relating to sexual scenarios, and it makes me super uncomfortable. Yeah shes pretty, but she doesn't amount to anything like Billie.
Like have you seen Billie? She's absolutely stunning, and he figure. God I miss being able to see her body sometimes, I mean not that I seen it a whole lot, but still fuck.
It's been a week almost and I miss staring into her blue eyes, or when I wake up before her to see her snoring with her hair stuck to her face.
It may sound weird to sit and stare at her for a minute, but if you've ever been in love. You'd understand.
"Whatcha doing" her slightly annoying voice screeches. I look over at her, genuinely not trying to make a disgusted face.
"Oh uh- just thinking" I say to her. She bats her pale grey eyes and sits on the edge of the couch. M
"About what?..." she asks. "Me?" She questions. Looking at me like I'm a piece of meat.
"Usually I am" I play off. "But right now just about everything" I lie.
She sits down on the edge of the couch, putting her hand on my knee she looks At me all to serious.
"Do you, need to go to a therapist? They're really good for talking especially when you're sad.." she says avoiding looking at me straight in the face.
I furrow my eyebrows, scrunching up my face, I look at her confusingly.
"Who says I'm sad?" I ask. She looks up at me, opening her mouth she quickly shuts it again.
"I uh-" she stutters. "You left the - Tv on yesterday and the lights. So I came in here to shut them off and your shorts were rolled up, and I seen the cuts" she says.
I roll my eyes and chuckle sarcastically. It isn't any of her business.
"Those were from months ago" I remark.
"They weren't" she says certainly. "They were scabbed over, meaning they were fresh" she says looking at me.
This isn't her business, none of it is. Sure this is part of the plan, but this conversation isn't.
"I don't need a therapist, and I don't need you talking to me about it. What I do- did. Is my business Alena" I snap at her.
She looks down, and stands up off the couch. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear she finally looks up.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. It's just if you're sad, you should tell someone. I don't want to see you like this, and I'm guessing Billie wouldn't want to either even if you guys aren't together" she says.
"She doesn't know" I remark. "And she won't" I scoff.
Knowing Alena she would tell Billie. I know Alena better then anyone else, and the conversation would end up being her telling Billie 'no wonder she cheated on you you didn't even pay attention enough to notice she herself' or something like that.
And that, would most likely actually make Billie mad at me. Only because she would think that I can't trust her. When in reality, I just really don't want to disappoint her.
The first time she seen my scars, I ultimately thought she was going to hate me in some way, or think I'm gross because the scars lines my legs.
But she didn't, and I think she thought i stopped. I didn't though, I don't do it 24/7 but when things get really stressful, I do.
When the whole Riley showed up situation, I knew me and Billie weren't going to be in any way intimate only because everything was so stressful. So I took the opportunity.
And for weeks, I didn't stop. When I had found out about Alena having a video of me and Billie doing personal things, I had gone straight to the razor.
And I wish I could say that I can stop, but my mind won't let me. People think that people like me just 'want' to do it. Which I'm reality that's the only way we can let everything release from our bodies.
I just hope, this doesn't find its way back to Billie.
— Hello my beautiful angels, I hope you guys are all doing okay. I just want to say you are cared for! And that if you guys ever need to talk I'm always here, don't be afraid to pm me ❤️
