Many years ago, Skwisgaar Skwigelf laid eyes on the most incredibly average guitar player he had ever seen (by his standards). He didn't think it was terrible, but it definitely wasn't good. The only saving grace was the guitarist's vocals, blending with the woman's on stage.
The comedy of man starts like this
Our brains are way too big
For our mothers' hips
So nature, she divines this alternative
We emerged half formed and hope that whoever greets us on the other end
Is kind enough to fill us in
And babies, that's pretty much how it's been ever since
The guitarist was quite the showman. He wiggled slim hips to the rhythm of the music. Skwisgaar caught the way he glanced lovingly towards his wife on the keyboard matching his harmonies to hers. They were a beautiful couple. And though the guitar left much to be desired, the song was growing on him.
Comedy, now that's what I call pure comedy
Just waiting until the part where they start
To believe they're at the center of everything
And some all powerful being endowed this
horror show with meaning
Oh, their religions are the best
They worship themselves yet they're totally obsessed with risen zombies, celestial virgins
Magic tricks these unbelievable outfits
And they get terribly upset
When you question their sacred texts
Written by woman-hating epileptics
The music slowed to a soft melody. The guitarist set his acoustic down, letting his wife's keyboard shine through. The vocals began to climb, the band matching with a booming crescendo. Skwisgaar felt something bloom inside of him as he watched the man on stage dance, truly enjoying every minute he performed.
Oh, comedy! It's like something that a madman would conceive!
The only thing that seems to make them feel alive is the struggle to survive
But the only thing that they request is something to numb the pain with
Until there's nothing human left
Just random matter suspended in the dark
I hate to say it, but each other's all we got...
"How'd you like the show?" A deep voice with a thick Philadelphia accent asked. Skwisgaar turned to face the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen. "You're in Will's band right? I think he said you were from Switzerland?"
"Swedens, actuallys" The blonde answered. "You means Moidaface rights? Ja, I plays guitars with Magnus"
"Magnus is the guy with the curly hair and crazy eyes, right?"
"That cans also describes Moidaface" Skwisgaar joked. The man chuckled
"I'm Chris. My wife is over there with the rest of your crew. C'mon I'll introduce you"
Chris was charming, with boyish good looks, a stubbly beard, and hazel eyes. Skwisgaar admired the way his wife played with his mop of dirty blonde hair. It was obvious the way they looked at each other that they were deeply in love.
The signing party was very lowkey compared to Dethklok's. Various suits and ties, too old to understand the music they produced, bounced around the ballroom making small talk and bragging about material possessions. "I should be more excited, right?" Delilah asked no one in particular. Skwisgaar gazed down at the tiny girl.
"We's was eskiteds, buts we stills hates these fancies parties" his gazed turned to her husband chatting with Roy Cornickleson. "Yous guys soundeds goods tonights"
"Thanks. I know it's not your sound, but I'm glad you enjoyed yourself" her gaze followed his. "He's fuckin' gorgeous, right?" Her comment took Skwisgaar by surprise.
"I's uh.. I ams straights" he lied. She raised an eyebrow.
"If you say so. We're open, y'know?" She took a sip of her old fashioned and wiggled her eyebrows. "And he likes his men tall" Skwisgaar prayed he wasn't blushing. "But if you're straight, you're straight. I'm gonna go hit on your frontman. I'll catch you later."
"Ja, laters" Skwisgaar escaped for fresh air and a cigarette. He hated New Jersey, but the smell of the ocean mixed with cool spring air gave a certain comfort. He exhaled a drag of his smoke and sighed to himself.
"Hey, you left the party" the concerned voice of Chris came from behind him.
"I neededs somes airs" his new label mate stood beside him and lit his own smoke.
"Yeah, I feel you. This is exhausting."
"Ams you eskiteds? Abouts getting signeds?"
"Oh, hell yeah!" Chris giggled. "It feels like some crazy dream. I feel like at any moment I'll wake up and we'll be back to where we started." He looked into Skwisgaar's eyes. The Swede felt instant arousal. "Did you feel like that when you got signed?"
"Ja. I still does sometimes. It's likes what's ams a constants paranoias. Anys days I coulds snaps outs of its. Be backs in Stockholms..." the last six months had been a rollercoaster ride for him. "I ament's sure I's ever gets useds to its"
"I don't think I ever will either" they fell silent, the only sound being the crashing waves and booming music from the party.
"So..." Skwisgaar hesitated. "Delilah says you ams opens?" Chris grinned.
"Yeah. Did she mention I like my men tall?"
*****************************************
Song is Pure Comedy by Father John Misty
YOU ARE READING
Let Me Come Home ■ Metalocalypse
同人小说William was never a family man. But the one family member he actually cares about, the one person he actually loves, needs him now more than anything. It's time he took her home
