It feels empty
Yet at the same time it feels full so full that you don't even know what's in it
I don't know
I can't draw like how I used to
I miss those times
Even if the drawings were ugly, at least I liked it
But of course I was sent to classes, to improve my drawings
I couldn't go back
It wasn't the same
The style looked nicer
But
I didn't feel the urge anymore
No
The urge is still there
Telling me draw
But
I just
It all looks so ugly
Shapes
Lines
Eyes
Face
Smiles
I don't like any of them
Crosses
Scraps
Censors
To make it seem like it was a quick draw up, for fun
To hide the worthlessness behind it
Then I think
What's wrong me
Nothings wrong
You have no right to complain
U have a better life than some others
A family
Middle fortune
U aren't it
So
Don't complain
The problems are insignificant
Deal with it
I don't know
I don't know what to study
What to be
What I want
I don't remember dreams
I don't even know if my dreams exists
Who cares right
That there are people around you
They all seem to go
They don't care
I don't want their bullshit
Stop joking
I want
To
Sleep
Isolation in my room
It
Feels
Safe
Do I grow up?
Can you even grow when you don't even feel alive?
Stop pushing me into your ideology
Stop saying It benefits me
It's ok, I don't know what to do
So I should do whatever it is you tell me to
I don't want to
I dont want
I don't want
Again
I don't know what I want to do
So
Don't complain
Unless
Unless, you know what to do.
