The time had finally come.
My opportunity had arisen, I was able to dance in front of the people that could change my life forever. I was stressed out, but Jane had made sure I took my meds, to prevent any sort of damage to my body. The little blue pills could save my life, such a small and somewhat meaningless substance. It felt wrong to depend on that, but it was the only thing that had helped so far. Without medication, I was a mess. After George left, after he did the worst thing, I gained my condition. Any sort of stress or strain to the right side of my brain would result in seizures, or once, a heart attack. The disorder itself had been ironic to me, as having it was stressful, which would trigger the symptoms. It had started with trouble breathing, insomnia and anxiety, and ended up affecting day to day life.
Usually I would avoid situations where I was extremely fearful or uneasy, however this was the one time I needed to follow through and attend. We'd been practicing for months on end, and I had put hours into it. Part of me had regretting putting it on Twitter, as I feared my friend's judgments. Lake had told me he'd be in LA, so would attend, but no one else had asked me about it. Hopefully, no one would come, as I didn't want to feel embarrassed.
"We're on soon!" Kate smiled, the other girls stretching and warming up. My heart raced, and my lungs felt too full. It was like they'd burst. We weren't told who the lead pair would be, as the teachers knew we'd be too scared. Instead, they let who they'd picked know at the last minute so we don't have time to panic about it. I doubted I would be the lead, as the others were better than me, and I'd missed a few sessions. I swallowed the apprehension; I knew as soon as I was dancing, I would forget how I felt. So, I ignored the emotions. Instead, I did breathing exercises and flexed my toes, hoping to get a hold of myself. The girls started moving to the stage, where our male dancing partners were waiting. It was dark so the audience likely hadn't seen the change over between us and the other academy, but it would have been mentioned to judges - plus they had our head-shots in a booklet. I smoothed through my hair tied tightly in a bun, then across my body. Since 2014 I'd gained a bit of weight, though still remained fit.
My partner had been Devon. He was nice, and took it slow with me. We learned at a good pace, and I wasn't anxious about the fact he was stronger and taller, as he wasn't interested in women. Sadly, I didn't think I could come into this close of a proximity if he'd been straight, through fear I'd be hurt. We waited for the signal, and I wondered who the lead pair would be. I looked around to see where our teacher was, and who she'd give the purple shawl to. Whoever received it would be Sophie, and her partner Howl. This was due to the song choice of Merry Go Round of Life, the Howl's Moving Castle theme.
The lights were still dark, and my teacher came to me. She held out her hand, in which the purple shawl was gripped in. Smiling, she put it around my shoulders.
The music started, and I felt like I was suffocating. Devon was pressed up behind me until the music would kick in properly, as the introduction was simply slow mirrored movements.
"Relax, don't tense." He whispered, and I closed my eyes. Luckily I hadn't missed the first move, otherwise I'd have been done for. Instead I pretended we were in the studio practicing once again, and let Devon lead. Luckily for me, the males always led the dance in ballroom.
We took centre stage, and I felt myself loosen up slightly, eventually smiling as we executed the first lift gracefully. Finally I was able to feel the pressures of life fade away, and I was flowing with him. Another lift, this time longer. I was in the air, and looked to the audience. I could see a lot of them looking to me, but for the first time, it hadn't upset me, or made me feel self conscious, I felt proud. I'd learned this, and I was showing everyone how much I could do. I didn't think I had to stop, and I was able to continue through the dance with precision and flow.
