care less more『 jikook 』

four

some people do stupid things for love. others just love to do stupid things. jimin was the first one and jeongguk, the latter.

waking up right next to the man he claimed he wanted to help, jimin felt ashamed and disappointed in himself. how could he have the guts to say he wanted to make jeongguk feel something real when he did just the thing that keeps jeongguk from feeling anything?

the sex wasn't bad. in fact, it was the best jimin has had even when compared to all his exes whom he dated for years and had a lot of history with. that's another thing he hated about it. he hated the way he loved it. this wasn't how it was supposed to go. he didn't want jeongguk's being good in bed to be a part of the reason why he likes him. he truly wanted something pure, something simple. he wanted the two of them to like each other for who they are, not how they could make one another feel.

and so when he opened his eyes, jimin expected jeongguk had left already. he wasn't surprised when he found no one laying next to him. jimin merely sighed and tried to get out of bed, but his ass hurt like a bitch, so he ended up falling back down anyway. he grabbed one of the pillows and screamed into it as he started to cry.

when he was done, he threw the pillow somewhere across the room and wiped his tears away. but only then did he notice...a certain purple-haired man standing at the door, a confused look on his face.

JEONGGUK
"was i that bad?"

JIMIN
"holy shit. you're still here."

JEONGGUK
"of course, i am. we're friends, jimin."

JIMIN
"oh."

jeongguk picked up jimin's clothes on the floor and gave it to him. then he sat down on the bed.

JIMIN
"thanks. uh...can you look away while i get dressed?"

jimin stood up, his legs still wobbly from last night and jeongguk, of course, didn't fail to notice this.

JEONGGUK
"do you need help?"

JIMIN
"not really."

JEONGGUK
"friends help each other get dressed when they really can't, right?"

JIMIN
"okay, why do you keep on insisting that we're friends?"

JEONGGUK
"well, aren't we?"

JIMIN
"you ghosted me for an entire week and then you come back convincing me to sleep with you. do you think normal friends do that? no, they don't. and if you really think they do, then you've got a messed up definition of friendship."

JEONGGUK
"where the fuck is this all coming from? i didn't force you to sleep with me last night. you were the one who came up with that whole speech about how you wanna be real for me and everything. you're the one who got turned on by me in the middle of the fucking street. you're the one who followed me home and jumped into bed with me. you did all of that because you wanted to. so don't pretend you're any better than me because you're not, jimin."

❈❈❈

jimin didn't go to work later that day. jeongguk didn't get out of his apartment that day either. the two of them stuck in the high and yet feeling so low at the same time. jeongguk didn't regret what he said to jimin, but he knew he could've put it in a different way. he still didn't blame himself though. after all, it was jimin who lashed out on him for absolutely no reason. they were both conscious when they made the decision to sleep together. both parties agreed to it, so jimin trying to make jeongguk feel bad for leaving for a week and coming back to screw him wasn't exactly the right thing to do.

jimin, on the other hand, was feeling too many things at once. he hated himself for being so weak, succumbing to the devil's touch. he thought he was stronger than that. he always put himself on a pedestal, believing he was somehow better than jeongguk and everyone else like him. but there he was, following the very person he looked down on, letting his hands roam around his body, tasting him, using him. and he felt good about it.

he hated that he wanted more. he hated that he's become exactly like all those girls jeongguk told him about. he offered himself to a man he could've saved. jimin always had this urge to try and fix other people. but he has mastered hiding it behind the façade that he doesn't care about anyone at all. and he knew that jeongguk only had interest in him because of that strong front he put up. now it's gone. and he's let jeongguk tear him apart, seeing him at his most vulnerable state, what makes jimin think the man would ever even talk to him after that?

that's why he lashed out when jeongguk kept saying they were friends. no. not because jeongguk left for a week. he'd already forgiven him for that. no. not because they had just slept together. he wanted to do it and therefore do not put the blame on jeongguk. he lashed out because he knew real friends don't use and leave each other. and that's what he was sure jeongguk was about to do.

pretending he still cared after having already gotten what he wanted, jeongguk was for sure a pro at this. what could hurt more than waking up in an empty bed after being fucked? well, being given the hopes that there would be a next time when there sure as hell wouldn't be.

so jimin left. saving face or at least trying his best to do so. somehow, in his twisted way of thinking, it was better to have left jeongguk on his own accord than to let jeongguk think he had won.