BeHir SS - Justifying emotions.

Justifying Emotions - Part 8

(Not proof-read)

Mahir felt like a lion held in a cage . It was like his head, could explode at any time. He had escaped to his room a while back, because he couldn't bear his family's joy and taunts, and he couldn't think straight anymore. Baby? Pregnant? What the hell was going on? How? Bela was just telling him some moments back, Rehaan meant nothing to her and was just a friend. So who's child was this? Could it be Yuvi's? He wasn't being judgmental about her being pregnant. He was just hurt and confused. He knew in which circumstances they had gotten married and maybe, maybe there was someone else in her life. They never had a marital life and they'd been used to it. They behaved like husband and wife in front of people only, and never behind the door of their room. They had only learnt to be friends during these months and it never went farther than that.

He clenched his fists as he felt his eyes tear up. He was also an angry man. Angry because he thought Bela wanted to build something with him. These days, when he had expressed his jealousy, he had seen care and comprehension in her eyes and he knew then, he knew he had a chance. He had indeed given her all tbe space she needed to cope up with this situation. But now? What should he do? Should he fight back? Against whom? He didn't even know who he had to fight against. Or maybe it was time to let her go. His thoughts again went to the discussion they were having before Sumitra interrupted them. Bela had seem so sincere. But then she had also mentioned the "mostly" part as a reason she didn't attend the dinner tonight. Was that what she was referring to?
He sighed in frustrations, while running a hand through his hair. He was more lost than ever.

He was such in a torment, he didn't hear when Bela entered the room. She leant against the door and just looked at him. She could feel her heart breaking seeing her man looking this devastated.

“Did I just refer to him, as my man?” Bela thought and shook her head, as if to drive it away. She had worst problems to attend to, right now, than to think about possessive adjectives. 

It'd been already ten minutes since she entered their room and Mahir still hadn't noticed her presence. He was still standing motionless next to the window and Bela could his fists clenching evennow and then.   Bela decided it was time to interrupt his flow of thoughts.

‘‘Mahirji.’’ Bela called him softly, but taken by surprise, Mahir jumped and turned to face her. 

She could see the hurt and incomprehension in his eyes and the words caught in her throat. She took a deep breath and threw herself into an explanation.

“Mahirji, look. I am not …”

He didn't give her the time to finish her sentence.

‘‘Bela. You don't need to explain anything to me. Who am I after all?” he almost whispered the last question but Bela did hear him. ‘‘Anyway, I've been thinking...’’

“Oh god. It would be best if you didn't think at all.” Bela muttered.

“Did you say something?” Mahir looked at her confused.

“No, no. So, go ahead.” she said seriously. “Let's see what brilliant conclusions you came with this time.” she muttered to herself.

“What was I saying again? Oh yeah that I was thinking. Look. You don't need to feel bad and shy or anything. Things like that can happen to anyone. I mean not everyone waits till marriage, and I am not at all judging you. I just want to know who the father is? Is it Rehaan? Or Yuvi? No no. It can't be Rehaan. It must be Yuvi.” he said clenching his fists again. “ I'll accept whatever you decide. I'll take care of the baby if needed. Don't worry about it. Or if Yuvi is coming back, then I will leave. I let you be a happy family , all three of you.’’ he said the last part with tears in his eyes.

Bela just stared at him, without expressions on her face and Mahir could not decipher what she was thinking. She was angry he doubted her character like this. She agreed they didn't share any wife-husband relationship, but she still was committed, and she knew he knew it. She took a deep breath and decided to put this little monologue of his, on his "I am too sad and angry to tell you  it all matters to me, but hey I just want you to be happy" tab. Bela knew she hadn't made him secure either since they got married. She had always been distant and even mean to him, whereas he was caring and would always take a stand for her. That's why she decided to let her anger go, to make him see things clearly and to be very patient with him. She also had to tell him the truth about Rehaan, but that didn't mean she would let him go with his accusations easily either.

“Mahirji. Are you sure you're okay?”

He was taken aback by her question and looked at her confused.

‘‘Yes Bela. Why? We are talking about something serious here and you are asking about my health?’’

“First, you were the only talking.” Bela emphasised on the you. “Then, yes. I have to ask. Arrey Mahirji, despite being such a great businessman, I can see your thoughts are not at all rational! So yes! I am asking you. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Bela stood straight, a hand on her hip, in front of a shocked Mahir, who looked back at her with an open mouth.