C L O S E • F R I E N D S | l.b

VI.

I was up scrolling on social media when I saw a post that said: When you lose the will to live, God will give you a baby. Under the post, the girl was talking about how her baby changed her life. I knew my baby would change mine. I just wasn't sure how. I knew I wasn't going to be able to strip forever so after I get cleared, I'm going to strip my ass off until my belly begins to show. I also wasn't sure how I was going to balance being a single mother and go to school. I also was debating on whether I should tell LiAngelo about the baby.

I watched a few YouTube videos as well as did some research on pregnancy. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to carry the baby but I can't fault the baby for its dad's mistakes. As I was about to get comfortable, I began to feel nauseous. I got up and went in the bathroom. I crouched over the toilet but I couldn't throw up. I was just extremely nauseous. I looked at the remedies and then checked to see if I had anything in my kitchen. The only thing I had was an apple. I ate on the apple and it helped a little bit.

Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to do my makeup. Ever since the incident, I hadn't felt pretty or like myself. I wanted to try and up my spirits since I was carrying a little baby. I wanted to try to be happy because a miscarriage was something I feared.

I wet my hair and put it into an up and down ponytail. Then, I did my makeup. I took a few pictures. I picked my favorite: For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. I posted the picture as well as sent one to my grandma. Then I washed the makeup of my face and put my bonnet on. I got in my bed, turned on some music and went to sleep.

-

When I finally woke the next morning, I felt a weird peace within myself. I prayed over my life and this baby. I guess this sense of peace is reassurance that God got us. I got out the bed and made it. I then washed my face and showered. I made myself a small breakfast of pancakes and grapes with a bottle of water. We only drink Dasani around here. I ate my breakfast and then logged onto my computer to see if my online classes had posted anything. Nothing.

Since I didn't have class today and I couldn't return to work until next week, I figured I'd go look for another job. I can't strip forever especially when I start showing. I threw a quick outfit on and called a Lyft to take me to my car. Then, I ran around the city applying for jobs. I put in a good four applications and then, headed back to the house. I spent the rest of the day bundled up watching movies.

-

I gathered my things and walked out the classroom. As I headed towards the elevator, I was bumped hard as hell. I looked back to see Jala.
"Fuck you gone do?"
Bitches always wanna play you like they don't know how you set up once y'all stop talking.
"Bitch, you know I'll step. It's nothing."
"Not not on shit."
"You doing all this talking buuuuut what's good witchu?"
"Bitch, I don't wanna touch you because ima probably catch something from your ran through ass."
"Bitch, you sound dumb ass fuck. Hit my line when you really want smoke."
She walked up and got in my face. She had the audacity to put her finger in my face.

"Man, get your hand out my face."
She mushed my forehead talking about some "what you gone do?". I ain't no pussy ass bitch so I swung. Next thing I know, me and this bitch throwing blows in the fucking hallway. We were pulled apart by campus security. I was pissed the whole way to the Chancellor's office. When we got there, the Chancellor was waiting for us with the door wide open. He didn't even greet us, just motioned for us to sit down.

"So what happened between you two ladies?"
As I was about to start talking, she cut me off.
"She hit me so I hit her back."
I hate a bitch that don't take responsibility.
"That's not even what happened. I was leaving class and she bumped me. I looked back and she started trying to antagonize me. She stepped in my face and put her hand in my face. There was some more inappropriate commentary before I swung on her. Then, we began fighting."
He sighed before looking between the two of us, "Unfortunately this behavior cannot be tolerated at the university. Since Ms. Edwards, you are older and you threw the first hit, I have chosen to release you from the university."