ADVICE

Grief Is A Strange Thing

As some of you may know, someone incredibly close to me sadly passed away a few weeks ago - I can't go to the details right now. Every time I try, I freeze up, literally. My hands can't type.

If you wish for the details, check my Message Board as I sent a message to it on the day he passed.

But I'm not here for me.

In films, when a character dies, everyone around them usually screams, wails, shouts, lashes out and seeks revenge. In films.

They call it 'grief'. And, according to films, this so called 'grief' only comes in the loud or the silent kind. The characters can't cope and it shows, one way or another.

But real grief doesn't come in one or two kinds. Trust me, I know.

Everyone has their own grief, for example, I have only cried once in two weeks. I feel constantly like I have to, like I'm about to, but I never do, and I never can. Sometimes I feel calm, others, I simply feel empty and yearn to hear their voice again. At first, I enjoyed keeping busy, but then my actions became lethargic and weighted, my sleep only deepening and exhaustion soon becoming fatigue.

On the outside, you could not notice my suffering - if it could even be called that, for I feel nothing, only anger at people for being so happy - unless I told you.

However, I've found ways to 'cope' with this:

Try and stay around those whom you know are going through the same experience. Being around my parents makes me happier - they loved him just as much as I did, so we can talk about them and think of all the happy memories we shared. It's soothing, even if you don't talk. Maybe talk about funny memories too, to add a smile to your face.

Don't feel guilty. It's easier said than done. If you're a murderer who killed the person, obviously ignore this one. But, seriously, if they passed in sleep or in an accident, don't blame yourself. It couldn't have been helped and they're in a better place anyway - the world is evil, but at least they're at peace. Survivor's guilt is painful, but so long as you know, deep down, you couldn't have done anything in your mortal power to help, you'll get through it.

Don't think it will end. Thinking grief will end is probably going to make it hurt A LOT more. You have to accept that, yes, this grief will forever be a part of you - for example, today, I was reminded of the upcoming funeral and I almost threw a glass at the wall and I don't even know why. Grief is not to be underestimated. Stand hand in hand with it.

Acceptance is key. Accepting will help in a lot. Accept the grief. Accept what's happened. If you cry, you cry. If you don't cry, you don't cry. We're all different.

Do what you feel right. If you need something to lift your spirits, do it and don't feel guilty. I went to the cinema to make myself feel better, and honestly, I felt like I could breathe again afterwards. Have a bath or watch your favourite film, maybe even sort through some things of the one who has passed away.

There's light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it's completely dark, happier days will soon come along.

Share your feelings. If you want to, you can message me or comment. Definately let someone know how you feel, I promise you'll feel better once you have.

Obviously, grief is different in everyone, so please, you don't have to stick to the above. Everyone, at some point, will feel grief and if you know someone going through it, please be respectful and mindful of them.

Hope you are all well,

RG23 xx