LOVE WITHOUT SLEEP

THE CHAPTER 9

I watched as George went for his hat, making his way out of the room. I didn't move from where I stood, I didn't know what move to make, which direction to go...or even how to feel. I took a deep breath before at last making my way to the bed, kicking my purse aside with all my might. Livid. Everything always seemed to be fucked up for me. I buried my face into my hands, trying my hardest not to scream into them...knowing the walls were nearly as thin as paper.

I grabbed my phone, my heart racing in my chest as I went to my mother's number...contemplating on giving her a call. Every muscle in me began to ache, my stomach twisted and turned and all that could come to mind were the memories in which I dreaded. My hands began to shake as I dialed, holding the phone up to my ear and hoping with everything in me that she was no where near my stepfather, who was the absolute worse in all scenarios and life in general.

As I listened to the continuous ring I stood onto my feet.

"Yeah?" My mother never answered with a hello, not if it was me, anyway. Her voice was tired and raspy from decades of cigarette consumption, and she was never interested in anything at all.

"Mum, hey...its me..." I knew I failed at the attempt of happiness in my tone, but without a doubt she wouldn't notice anyway. I waited for a response, knowing she'd neglected one. I continued, sweating at my palms through sheer intimidation, "how ya been?"

"How do you think?" She asked.

I turned to look over my shoulder at the sound of the door, George coming back through it. We exchanged quick and nervous glances before I turned back around quickly, wishing I could hang up right away. I quickly turned down the volume of the phone to be sure he couldn't hear, though there was no point since she talked so loud. I ran my fingers through my hair, pacing the floors.

"Oh...okay, I um...hold on." I hurried out of the room, turning the corner and speaking quickly, "mum I need to borrow money--"

"I knew it, you only called because you wanted something." She said.

"I want what's mine because I'd like to come home for a while but I don't have the money." I argued quietly, turning around to make sure I was alone.

"What's yours? Judith, we raised you, fed you, clothed you, what the hell do you mean you want what's yours?" Her voice grew louder on the other end.

"The money Nan left for me before she passed, for university and travel, that you guys spent on who the hell knows what." I couldn't believe her, I soon could hear my step dad Percy in the midst of it all.

"Tell her to go to hell!" His voice echoed from what I assumed was down the hall of their rather large house.

"What do you need the damn money for, Judith?" She asked after what sounded like a sip of what I knew couldn't be anything less than the most potent alcoholic beverage she could get her hands on. Her addiction was depressing and it only got worse as the years went on.

"Forget it--"

"I'll give you what you need if you tell me what it's for. Do you want it or not?" She asked.

"I'm twenty-three years old, why do I need to tell you what its for?" I snapped.

"You're making this harder than it needs to be, Judith." She didn't let up.

I sighed and looked at the door, "I just want to come home...and visit some old friends..."

"I'll send it through your bank account. Don't bitch about how much. It would be nice if you'd come and visit while you're here." She gave in. I rolled my eyes at the thought of visiting them at all. Why should I?