LOVE WITHOUT SLEEP

THE CHAPTER 21

I laid there staring at the ceiling, feeling the worst I could possibly ever feel. George sat at the end of the bed, resting his elbows against his legs as he burried his face into his hands, frustrated.

"George...I swear I didn't mean to..." I said. He continued to sit there in silence before sighing heavily and grabbing his clothes, getting back into them. All I could see of him in the darkened room was his shadow.

I sat up quickly, covering myself with the blanket, "I mean it." I said. He hurried out of the room, slamming the door.

I got up, grabbing my clothes and getting dressed. I couldn't believe myself, I didn't know why or how Matty's name could have possibly slipped out of my mouth. The only explanation coming to mind was that he wouldn't leave my thoughts after the phone call.

I hurried out of the room, following George, "I swear-"

"Can you just stop?! Stop fucking lying to me!" His voice grew louder with every word.

"I'm not lying to you..." My voice grew weak, with a heart which was fragile.

"You slept with him didn't you?" He asked.

"No!"

"Then why did you just say his name?!" He asked. I looked down, not knowing how to answer.

"He..." I couldn't get the words out.

"What? He what?!"

"He called me okay! He called me, and said things to me and I was thinking about them and I couldn't get them off my mind!" I said.

"What did he say to you?" He asked.

I shook my head, "I can't say."

"What do you mean you can't say?"

"I just can't!" Before I could finish my words he grabbed the cushion from the couch and threw it forcefully at the wall behind me, "what's the matter with you?!" I asked.

"What's the matter with me?! The matter is you fucking moaned Matty's name while I was fucking you-"

"Could you not call it fucking."

"Well clearly that's all it was if you can't even remember who the fuck is sticking it in." He went to his bedroom and slammed the door.

"REMEMBER?! YOU'RE THE FIRST AND ONLY GUY I'VE EVER SLEPT WITH! ITS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT! HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME AND I DUNNO HOW TO TAKE THAT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND NOT HIM!" I went back to the other room, wiping the tears from my face.

The door opened immediately, "what?"

"You heard me." I said, hiding my face...not wanting him to know how much power he held over my emotions.

"Jude...why didn't you tell me?" He asked, "both things."

I shrugged, lying down on the bed and burrying my face against the pillow, "can I just be left alone to sleep until tomorrow?" I asked, my voice muffled against it.

"When did he tell you that?" He asked, ignoring me.

"Tonight." I said, "when I said my mum was calling. I only said so, so you wouldnt ask and worry...I think he's just drunk."

"Where he is?" George asked.

"I'm not gonna tell you, so you can just go try to fight him again." I said, "I told you, he was drunk when he called I could tell."

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Its whatever...I can't be mad at you for being upset that I said the wrong name in bed but if you could at least just hear me out..." I turned around, "maybe this just means that we can't do this...like...be together." I shook my head, shrugging.