Doubt

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I woke up to somebody lightly shaking my arm.

"What?" I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

"What are you doing in here?" Jaehwa questioned.

"I was talking to her." I said quietly.

"Well wake up and get eomma up and come and eat breakfast." she told me and left.

"Whyyyy?" I groaned again, lazily standing up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Eomma. It's time for breakfast." I whispered.

Her eyelids slowly opened and a smile appeared on her face, causing me to smile. She reached her hand out and I gently took it in mine and she brought it to her lips and kissed my hand. I helped her sit up and brought her legs over the edge of the bed. I wrapped my arms around her waist and helped her stand up, walking with her to the table and sitting her down. I grabbed a plate and put some scrambled eggs, chopped bacon, and a biscuit with jelly on it and set the plate down with a fork and a cup of coffee. She slowly but surely ate all her breakfast and started sipping on her coffee.

"Do you want to watch some T.V?" I asked her, pointing to the living room. She shook her head yes and I helped her to the living room reclining chair and found something she liked and put it on. "I will be right back okay? I am going to take a shower and Jaehwa will take care of anything you need." I smiled at her and kissed her forehead and went upstairs to take a shower.

After getting dressed, I walked downstairs and into the living room and sat on the floor next to mom, resting my head in her lap while she played in my hair. "Wish me luck eomma." I smiled, scared but trusting her and Jaehwa's advice.

"Good luck." her voice was barely a whisper and I looked at her shocked. That was her first unbroken sentence.

When my eyes met hers, she suddenly smiled at me, eyes disappearing into faint wrinkles. She honestly looks good to be 42.

'Wow. She is so beautiful.' I smiled to myself.

"I'm scared." I admitted, laying my head back down.

"Don't be." I heard Jaehwa say from behind me, so I looked up and she had a couple of tears falling down her face.

"Why are you crying?" I asked concerned.

"That's the first I've heard her speak since I've been here." She smiled, walking over to us and taking our mother's hand into her own, "I'm so happy for you."

"I had the same reaction. Last night was the first I heard her while I was talking to her." I stood up, "Well. Now or never." I let out a shaky breath.

I exited the house and slowly walked to my favorite spot, of course it's the painting. I approached it and sat down in front of it, not minding my pants getting a bit dirty. I sat there and thought about everything. From the first day I met him to right now. Sometimes smiling at the memories and sometimes a couple of tears were shed. Thinking back, I had a happy life. Well, all up until he passed away.

Should I have even come back here?

Maybe if I wouldn't have came back, none of this would be happening right now. But I had to come back. I couldn't just leave mom and Jaehwa alone. Then I shouldn't have listened to Jaehwa when she told me to go out and get a feel of the surroundings. Yeah that's it. But fate would have still brought us together.

I groaned in frustration as I thought of different scenarios and how things could have went differently. That's the thing. We are all stuck on the 'what if's and 'what could have been's than focusing on the present time. We are all stuck in the past. Yea we think about our future, but most of the time we wallow on our past. But the thing people don't realize is that our past reminds us that we were able to get through whatever life threw at us, because it is in the past and we are still living. Sometimes, people can't live with the past, so they do exactly that. Suicide is a hard choice to make though.

A quiet "Hey" snapped me out of my thoughts and I stood up and turned around, meeting the three boys I was close with.

"I-I'm sorry. I'll leave now." I apologized and went to turn around, forgetting everything as to why I was here in the first place. It's like you mentally prep yourself for it, but when the time actually comes you realize that you can't.

"Wait." Yoongi's voice stopped me in my tracks.

I just stood there, confused as to why Yoongi would tell me to wait.

"I'm sorry." Yoongi now sounded closer.

Still. No movement. It's like I'm too scared to turn around.

Yoongi P.O.V.

"I'm sorry." I took a step closer to her, but she still didn't move. Just frozen.

"Jinae." Jimin now stood beside me and grabbed her hand, pulling her gently to turn her around, her just obeying.

When I saw her face, I'm not going to lie, my heart clenched. Her eyes were a bit puffy and red and her facial expression looked dead. I didn't know that my words could hurt a person so bad. I didn't know that she cared for all of us like that. To the point when I told her to never come around us she broke. She looks broken and unmendable. How I wish I could just-.

I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her, her crying instantly into my chest.

"I-I'm so sorry." she sobbed.

"It's okay." I whispered while smoothing circles on her back in an attempt to comfort her.

"Why is she apologizing? Why is he apologizing?" I heard Jin whisper to Jimin, clearly confused.

"Can I explain myself?" I asked her carefully.

She nodded her head and I released her from the hug, wiping her tears away with my thumbs, "Don't cry anymore."

I walked to the painting and sat down, patting beside me for her to sit, which she did.

Jinae P.O.V.

"I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I was just upset. I had a lot on my mind and I'm not good at expressing how I feel. So I exploded. I'm sorry that I took it out on you and Jimin. With everything that was running through my mind, when I saw you two kissing, I don't know what happened, but something just clicked like someone pulling a pin from a grenade." Yoongi explained, sympathy in his voice

"It's fine. I've done the same thing. Especially when-" I hesitated, scared to continue. "Especially when Ju- my best friend passed away." I couldn't say his name, the lump in my throat prevented me from speaking his name.

"Ju?" Yoongi questioned, slightly shocked.

"His name was," I painfully swallowed the lump and continued, "Jungkook."











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SHE SAID HIS NAME!!!

OOOOOUUU THE STORY IS COMING TO AN END SOON!!!! I MAY MAKE IT A LITTLE BIT LONGER. I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.

Hope you are enjoying this story <<3

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