That Means that.... JUSTIFIES the End

Back with my Great Friends... We rock!!

She turned restlessly in her bed again, she had not been able to close her eyes for a minute since the time she got on bed, and it would soon be morning. Tired of her fruitless effort at catching some sleep before daybreak, she  flicked on the bedside lamp and sat up in frustration. 'What is wrong with me?' She asked herself the umpteenth time and hissed, knowing she was not going to get any answer anyway.
Hours ago, she was having a fabulous time out with her newly found couple friends before they had driven her down here to her hostel, just a few minutes before dusk. They had spent some time with her, eating of the take-away they bought at the end of their outings, playing and joking about, teasing one another over different matters, after which they had left for their home, promising to definitely keep in touch. She had felt her eyes getting all teary as she watched them drive off, she knew she was going to miss her bubbly fun-loving Jessy and her crazy fun husband; she had laughed at the memory of the first day they had introduced themselves as a dating couple, and then her eyes had filled up at how beautiful and romantic their marriage of already 5 years remained, she could not point at any other couple that much in love after so many years of being married -oh, no, she lied, she never intended to, but she still had lied to herself, she knew there was a couple close by, in fact so close, whose marriage had withstood the test of a good long 30 years, and had still remained just as strong and beautiful as it was from the very beginning. Of course she knew that much because it was the home she was brought up in, and that couple was her own parent, but still- she envied their love and luck, Jessica was a good 2 years younger than she herself was, and yet, she had everything she did not even have: a home of her own, a fun loving loyal husband to herself, a decent office work, plus her fat paycheck: all of which she could not even claim in the least! As tears slid down her cheeks, she knew she had not lived the way she was supposed to, she had been blinded so much from reality, and planned to set things right a bit now, starting with settling for one serious relationship.
She sighed, she had been down that memory lane most of the night, she could not believe this was really her, she could not believe she was the Zee who only just wants to enjoy life to the fullest. Right then, her loud laughter filled the room as she got off the bed to find something else, anything at all -to busy herself with, instead of remembering over and again events past.
She picked a book on her reading table -not that she wanted to read though- and sat on the chair before it, thinking of the day one of her eldest brothers (she had two for they were twins), Zahid, who was married to 2 women with 8 children already, and was living very happily, last she heard, ma shaa Allah -lol, as Zayd always say- (whose twin was Zawaad and lived somewhere in Egypt, she did not know for certain where, for she had not heard from him in any recent time, though she knew from Zahid's visit that he was married with 7 children presently, not like she cared very much though, ugh), had brought two copies of the book, Sifaatu-Salaah An-Nabiyy by Imaam Al-Albanee, on his return trip some three years ago, and had gifted herself and her little brother, Zayd, a copy each. He had even given her a copy of its English translation plus the novel 'If I should speak' by Umm Zakiyyah, encouraging her to read and feel free to ask him about any questions or confusion that arose, she had smiled and appreciated his kind heart. She had started the novel actually and loved the plot and everything, but, the fact that the writer's choice of words wherever she discussed Islam had made her ashamed of her very own state of religiosity as her words seemed to be directly talking to or about her, and she hated that guilty feeling, she had dropped the book halfway. When she started leaving the house in head wraps and her brothers and parent never failed to complement the change, she realized the main purpose of her brother getting her that book was never going to be fulfilled, for she knew she was not the hijab type, and was only trying to ease the guilt by covering her hair when she left her father's house, at least, for the mean time. Her friends had not welcomed the 'crazy change' -as they called it back then- and every other person she knew, aside her family, seemed to view her in a different light and they were all distancing themselves, except one Muslim girl like that who had complemented and congratulated her the first day she had come to class in the wrap, and always greeted her with the Tasleem whenever they met with bright smiles and prayers, but, she did not matter because she did not belong to her level -socially and financially- and so, the day her friends had accused her of faking with her head wrap, as they knew she was nowhere near being a Muslim at all, she never even prayed -but she did, for as long as the novel remained in her mind and brother Zahid lived with them, she did pray- and she should stop whatever prank she was trying to pull because they can see through all her schemes, she could have cried, but she had not, she had pretended she was not bothered by any of their words. However, she had stayed away from school the following week, she knew she could not bear her friends' taunts alongside her own inner feeling of guilt. Eventually, her big brother returned to Cairo that very weekend, and she felt like a very heavy weight had been lifted off her chest, she could not have been more grateful. The next day, she went to school with her hair uncovered, the wrap with which she covered from home somewhere in her bag, and every other person, except the Muslim girl, had welcomed her like someone who had just returned from a long travel, she did not know how her anger and disappointment at her friends had dissipated so soon, but, she was grateful she was back to being the 'real' her, and they were all happy and that was all that mattered, she thought, but was it really? That Muslim girl had tried to talk to her, but,she had simply smiled and told her 'sweetheart, we all don't have to appear like pieces form the 7th century to be Muslims, some of us have got beautiful lives to live, and I, luckily am one of them. Good luck, lovely' and she had walked away to join her friends, whom she had excused to answer the Muslim girl politely. Going forward, she had packed off all the head wraps to her mother's room, from where she got them in the first place, and had settled for the 'good life' she could enjoy with her friends in 'liberty'. The advice of her parent and Zayd had made less than minute impact, and she was only grateful that none of them thought to report her to Zahid, for he was the only person she was always so shy to offend -not like she wouldn't live her good life even if he said otherwise, but, she just hated to know that she was doing anything to displease that wonderful big brother of hers.
Presently, she realized her face was wet with tears, something was nagging at her heart, but, she did not know what. She wiped her tears and dropped the book, heading for the bathroom as it was daybreak already. The sound from the speaker of a nearby mosque as they made the Iqamah brought her feet to a frigid halt, -for what reason and by what power, she knew not- and when they started the prayer, she had hissed and continued on her way to the bathroom, hating the fact that everything around her seemed to be accusing her conscience and playing with her sanity, 'now is when I have to move out of this damn house', she swore under her breath, and just then, she remembered the money her father had forwarded to her account and returned to her bed, trying to figure out why her father would still send her that much money, -she had expected him to totally abandon her even, but instead- despite her gross disobedience and rudeness.
Dressed in a black net top that was absolutely transparent by all right judgement, over a blue pair of tight-fitting shorts, her sparkling gold earings locked securely around the lowest ear holes, with tiny earrings filling the other four holes, her 30 carat gold wristwatch glistening on her left wrist and rows of expensive bead bracelets on her right, completed with her expensive pair of blue Snickers, Zaynab was all ready to go to school. Her small black purse clutched in one hand, she picked the key, locked the door and headed for her good friend, Elizabeth's, apartment, her mood much better now as she imagined the kind of welcome she would receive from her friends, whose lifestyles were not any better than her own was.
It turned out much better than she could ever have imagined, Liz and their two other friends, Freezy and Deejah, had been more than enthusiastic to have her back. They all celebrated her safe return with various assorted drinks after she narrated the events of the last three weeks to them, after which they headed for a 5-star restaurant, in Lizzy's car, to continue the merriment.
Two hours later, they were headed for the school, one dressed no better than the other, assured of their exclusion from the school rule on decent dressing, they knew money and power achieveth all things. Zaynab knew she dared not imagine her father would ever offer any help if she got caught, she would have to find a means to rescue herself, but, she was not ready to ruin the wonderful time with such unwelcome thoughts, so, she forced herself to 'focus on the moment' as the slogan of the group. It was about 2pm and she could see people filing out from a faculty mosque while a few others were just going in: they had completed another Solah that day, whereas she....
'Zee' Freezy had tapped her lightly on the shoulder as she called her name. Returning her mind and attention to her fellow occupants in the car, she realized Liz had packed and they were all looking at her, where she sat at the back with Freezy.
'Oh, don't mind me' Zaynab tried to make light of the issue as she forced the persistent guilt off her mind to enjoy her good time. She was really grateful her friends had let it stop at that as they all alighted from the car and headed towards their usual hang out behind the school's rows of cafeterias. It had always been like that, they never came to school for lectures, all they ever did when they stepped into the school was go over to their hang out to drink whatever was available and make plans towards how the week would go.
The previous year when Zaynab had been admitted as a Direct Entry (DE) student to the department of counsellor education, she had only walked about alone for two days before meeting Deejah, who was all she could have wanted in a friend after all. Being who she had always been and still was, coupled with her experience at the college of education, Oro, where she graduated from few months ago, Zaynab had not been surprised when Deejah introduced her to her other two friends and told her she need not worry about reading or any such, she needs not even go to exam hall at all as everything was well sorted out. Zaynab could not have been any happier to hear that, she never attended any lecture throughout her 3year stay in the college, but she dared not joke with appearing for her exams, even though she could not be the one to write anything on her  answer sheets, and she had graduated with a first class certificate.
She was a bit sceptical at first, but with time, she grew to relax and love their company, she trusted them with everything and followed their every step.
When the time table for their first semester examinations was pasted, Zaynab had expected there would be a change -however minute- in their care free attitude as they spent everyday like it was someone's party; if they were not invited to a party on one night, they bounced into clubs and enjoyed themselves, there was never a dull moment with those crazy friends she had gotten so lucky to get.
Zayd had called his sister one night to ask how the exams have been coming along, she had lied that it was going on better than expected, she had heard Zayd laugh at that familiar line -or lie, it was, but he did not know or have to know- and praised her dilligent nature and wonderful brains, as he had always done even while she was in college.
The day Zaynab heard that some of her results were out, she had run over to Lizzy's 4 bedroom apartment which she shared with their other two friends, -leaving Zaynab alone in her own self-contained apartment which she dared not move out from, for the fear of either of her parent's unannounced visit- and had informed them, expecting their countenance to change somewhat, but alas, they had only laughed at her for acting so jittery, and she had been at a loss for words at their confidence. 'You can go on and check yours if you're that concerned, Zee, stop staring at us with those eyes, I thought you were more exposed than this, gosh!' Lizzy had said in a tone that revealed disgust to some level, but the way the three girls had laughed had made her realize it was still a taunt. She had swallowed hard, ignoring their mocking laughter, then brought out her phone from her trousers' pocket, an action which increased the intensity of her friends' laughter, but, she was past caring anymore, her mind was fixed on a single thing and that one thing, which was checking the results for exams she never even sat for -damn! She does not even know a single lecturer in her department, after her Level Adviser that is- was going to be done and over with in less than 5minutes. Staring at the page had brought her brilliant smile right back to her face, as she looked from one of her friends to the other in deep adoration and gratitude. Her friends had merely smiled at her then, nicely reprimanding her for being such as 'doubting Thomas' and then they had all laughed and went out on a spending spree again -as always- to celebrate Zaynab's total understanding and acceptance of how the team worked.
By the second semester, Zaynab was already a boss on her own, she led the girls in painting the town red, she now knew just who to settle to have distinction in each and every one of their courses, she knew which of their agents was cool with cash, and those who settled for payment in kind, all of whom they were all readily available to settle. At the end of that semester, the Lizfreedeezee -as they resorted to name their group- all had G.P.A of 4.95 each, and thus, Zaynab knew her parent would, again, be so proud of her, not to forget her wonderful brothers, Zayd especially, too.
'Zee, your sure you're all right?' Deejah was asking her in concern. Zaynab had been down memory lane again, she just could not help herself, she forced herself to see the people around her, they were all seated -except her- and she smiled at Deejah, 'so sorry, girls, just got stuck in some crazy cool memories'.
'You? Memories? Who'd have thought...' Liz left her statement uncompleted, certain  they would already have gotten her message.
'Guess it's just the time I've been away' Zaynab had said as she picked a seat for herself, consciously forcing her mind and thoughts to remain in the present.
Liz had been the one to start the conversation by congratulating everyone of them for resuming together again, making it a special point to congratulate Zaynab personally for surviving and returning to them. She then highlighted the number of party invites they had for that night and the next, and the fact that they had to cut down on them and select four most prominent and promising ones to attend, and once they had done that, they had a birthday bash to attend in Abuja, lasting all 24 hours of that Thursday, their return flight was going to be fully sponsored by the son of the gallant minister of petroleum, who was the celebrant and who specially invited their amazing sexy selves. She brought out the gold-rimmed invitation card with the name of the group printed in a very beautiful font boldly in the front of it, and handed it first to Zee to confirm the information she had just disseminated to them, after which she collected it and gave it to Freezy, who in turn handed it over to Deejah: it was almost too good to be true, they were all so ecstatic about it, they almost could not wait for the next two days separating them from that wonderful party to come and go. Lizzy needs not talk about Friday, they always cooled off that day in delightful clubs or bars, chilling with their individual boyfriend-of-the-week respectively -oh, Zaynab remembered her decision to find a serious relationship as the girls jumped about in great enthusiasm, it was indeed such a great news to start the freaking semester with, she convinced herself that the serious relationship could wait, this was a bash she could not miss even for the whole of the world's best most serious relationships! Contented with her decision, she rose to join the girls in the merry dance, then she saw a familiar figure walk by in the middle of two other people and her heart stopped beating as she froze on her feet, there and then she prayed silently in her heart, to God, to help her out and make the person, if indeed he was who she thought he was, not notice her.
The three men had walked by again, this time heading towards where they had come from in the first place, and none of them looked in their direction at all, they seemed to be fully engrossed in whatever discussion they were having or their individual thoughts -she couldn't care less whichever it was. When she was sure they had left, Zaynab breathed slowly in relief, thanking God for saving her from such a quagmire by His divine grace and mercy. She knew her friends must be doubting her sanity now, but, she could not start explaining everything she had gone through to them -and what had she gone through anyway? It was just her losing focus, nothing more- and with her most elegant smile, she joined in the dance that was ongoing, the girls indeed knew just how to have fun and enjoy themselves, and that, Zaynab was sure, was all she wanted -for now, she added later.
----------------------------
*N.B*:
Surah Al-Maeda, Verse 6:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا قُمْتُمْ إِلَى الصَّلَاةِ فَاغْسِلُوا وُجُوهَكُمْ وَأَيْدِيَكُمْ إِلَى الْمَرَافِقِ وَامْسَحُوا بِرُءُوسِكُمْ وَأَرْجُلَكُمْ إِلَى الْكَعْبَيْنِ وَإِن كُنتُمْ جُنُبًا فَاطَّهَّرُوا وَإِن كُنتُم مَّرْضَىٰ أَوْ عَلَىٰ سَفَرٍ أَوْ جَاءَ أَحَدٌ مِّنكُم مِّنَ الْغَائِطِ أَوْ لَامَسْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَلَمْ تَجِدُوا مَاءً فَتَيَمَّمُوا صَعِيدًا طَيِّبًا فَامْسَحُوا بِوُجُوهِكُمْ وَأَيْدِيكُم مِّنْهُ مَا يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ لِيَجْعَلَ عَلَيْكُم مِّنْ حَرَجٍ وَلَٰكِن يُرِيدُ لِيُطَهِّرَكُمْ وَلِيُتِمَّ نِعْمَتَهُ عَلَيْكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ
O you who believe! when you rise up to prayer, wash your faces and your hands as far as the elbows, and wipe your heads and your feet to the ankles; and if you are under an obligation to perform a total ablution, then wash (yourselves) and if you are sick or on a journey, or one of you come from the privy, or you have touched the women, and you cannot find water, betake yourselves to pure earth and wipe your faces and your hands therewith, Allah does not desire to put on you any difficulty, but He wishes to purify you and that He may complete His favor on you, so that you may be grateful.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Yusuf, Verse 108:
قُلْ هَٰذِهِ سَبِيلِي أَدْعُو إِلَى اللَّهِ عَلَىٰ بَصِيرَةٍ أَنَا وَمَنِ اتَّبَعَنِي وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَمَا أَنَا مِنَ الْمُشْرِكِينَ
Say: This is my way: I call to Allah, I and those who follow me being certain, and glory be to Allah, and I am not one of the polytheists.
(English - Shakir)
Surah Ibrahim, Verse 3:
الَّذِينَ يَسْتَحِبُّونَ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا عَلَى الْآخِرَةِ وَيَصُدُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَيَبْغُونَهَا عِوَجًا أُولَٰئِكَ فِي ضَلَالٍ بَعِيدٍ
(To) those who love this world's life more than the hereafter, and turn away from Allah's path and desire to make it crooked; these are in a great error.
(English - Shakir)
Surah An-Noor, Verse 21:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَتَّبِعُوا خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ وَمَن يَتَّبِعْ خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ فَإِنَّهُ يَأْمُرُ بِالْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ مَا زَكَىٰ مِنكُم مِّنْ أَحَدٍ أَبَدًا وَلَٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ يُزَكِّي مَن يَشَاءُ وَاللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ
O you who believe! do not follow the footsteps of the Shaitan, and whoever follows the footsteps of the Shaitan, then surely he bids the doing of indecency and evil; and were it not for Allah's grace upon you and His mercy, not one of you would have ever been pure, but Allah purifies whom He pleases; and Allah is Hearing, Knowing.
(English - Shakir)
via iQuran