Don't read this if you're not oofed yet

The Truth

Hey guys. So you know how I was gone for basically the whole summer? Yeah, well there's a reason for that. I was fucked by a muffin and was pregnant with its kid. Okay, so here's how it happened. I was walking with my dads, Lin and Jonathan (who are actually dating now, due to my perfectly executed plan that I called Operation Grofflin's Kid). We were walking to Walmart so we could get some eggplants, peaches and bacon bits. While I walked through, I saw this weird room behind some of the freezers that had the eggs. I opened it and stepped inside. When I walked inside, I saw my best buds Pepe the frog, the kid a framed for the murder of my birth parents named Abdulsami, the Ugandan Knuckles and Pinkguy. They were my favorite memesters. Except for Abdulsami. He's just krusty. I walked in and there were thick palm trees growing in a desert. I thought to myself what the fuck even is happening? Am I high? I turned around so I could get out and meet back up with my dads. But when I turned around, I saw Lin sucking Jonathan's face off while Sebastian was asleep on the ground. Typical. Out of nowhere, the door slammed shut and disappeared into nothingness. I ran over and frantically felt around to see where it was. It was really gone. I started yelling at my dads to do something, but they just kept on making out. Jonathan removed Lin's jacket, and I knew what was going to happen next. His jacket wasn't the only article of clothing that was coming off between the two. I quickly scooped up Sebastian, whisking him away to try and find the door. Then, while walking through what seemed like every single climate zone mashed into one location, I saw a muffin. He asked if I was lost, to which I responded yes. He showed me a bedroom, threw me on the bed, locked Sebastian in a closet and took off his cupcake liner. He put a chocolate chip in my mouth, and I knew that without any protection, I was gonna be pregnant. I faced the sad truth, punched the muffin, took Sebastian and ran back to my dads. By the time I found them, they seemed to be done with whatever it was they were doing. We found the door ( it was under them while they were fucking??), opened it then re-entered the Walmart.