✔Paint Me a Murder | Book 1

Chapter 31: Somewhere to Belong(M)

Some mistakes you can never take back or be forgiven for.

Kazimir placed his soda pop on the handmade wooden shelf. It only took a few minutes for him to get his art supplies out and place one of the few blank canvases he owned upon the shabby easel in his room. He painted until his fingers went numb.

When the artist stepped back to admire the work, a familiar corpse glared back at him in the canvas with blood oozing from his nostril down to his chin. Bloodshot eyes bored right into his and that broken, rotted tooth grin scared him.

There was no beauty in the artwork. It was macabre and made his stomach churn. But Kazimir had to paint his feelings. It was the only way he wouldn't be consumed by them, but he couldn't keep that thing, that disgusting creature. Painting brought him pleasure, but that piece brought him pain. He couldn't stand to look at it any longer so he cleaned up quickly. Kazimir tossed one of his old sheets over it and turned the light off. Like a scared child, he crawled into bed and hid from the monster mounted on his easel.

Kazimir just wanted to feel in control of his mind and body again. He couldn't snort as much coke as he needed that night. The batch must have been cut with something nasty. The rebels hadn't had coke like that so far, but it was bound to happen. No matter where he got the drug, it always happened. Kazimir wanted more, but he didn't want to hurt his poor nose anymore than he already did.

No matter how many times he tossed and turned, sleep refused to swathe him in sweet dreams. That painting still lurked in his mind. Kazimir ran his fingers across the soft, smooth skin of his face just to make sure it was still there. He dragged his tongue across his teeth, feeling rigid bumps where two had already chipped out. Eventually, they'd all rot away like the rest of his body.

Kazimir turned to his phone to keep himself from drowning in his thoughts since he couldn't sleep. Loneliness was a cruel murderer of happiness. Kazimir was all alone in his apartment's bedroom but it wouldn't be that way for long. He sent Emmett a message that said: Come over. I need you.

After sending it, the artist realized how much it sounded like a booty call but maybe that was what he needed. It was hard to make a mess look presentable, but he got out of bed and tried his best. Careful not to wake Jordy, Kazimir crept into the living room. He kept all the lights off.

The minutes ticked by like hours, and Kazimir started to wonder if he would even come. Surely Emmett had more important business to tend to.

When a pair of headlights glistened in from the closed curtains, his heart thumped like thunder amid his chest. Kazimir opened the door for Emmett before he even made it up the stairwell. A rush of frigid air entered the room, causing him to shiver.

"What's wrong?" Emmett closed the door behind him, kicking his shoes off. "You made it seem like an emergency in your text. Do you feel like someone's after you or watching you?"

"No, it's not that." Kazimir gazed down at his rainbow socks. "It's just hard for me to be alone sometimes. I didn't wanna wake my roommate up either. He's got his studies to worry about. I'm not really sure how to explain it. I get sucked up into this dark hole in my mind, and it's just a horrible place to be."

"Well, I'm here now so you don't have to worry."

Emmett's warm embrace was heavenly to him. Kazimir wanted the gangster to hold him longer. When he pulled away, Kazimir noticed traces of sadness in his gorgeous green eyes.

"I'm glad you texted me," Emmett said. "You don't need to be alone right now. You still have enough coke, don't you? I know withdrawal symptoms can really screw with your mind."

"Yeah, I have enough for now," Kazimir assured him. "Thanks for asking though."

From the moonlight pouring into the dark room, Emmett's angelic figure was all Kazimir could focus on. When the artist reached for his waist, he realized how skinny Emmett was. Kazimir didn't remember him being such a lightweight before. If he wasn't careful, he felt like he could easily break his body. Remembering how easily Emmett took down the Black Vipers bodyguard and disfigured Samantha, it was hard to imagine someone like him being fragile.