Fairy Tails

Insecure (Juvia Centric/Gruvia-ish)

This is quite personal to me and for it I had to exaggerate Juvia's character just a little, so forgive me for that. But yeah, not particularly shippy, though there is some at the end! :)

Insecure

“Here you are, Juvia!” Juvia looked up as a drink was placed in front of her. It was red wine; Juvia’s preferred drink on the rare occasion that she drank alcohol at all. “Sorry for the wait!”

“It’s fine, Mira.” Juvia picked up the drink and took a sip, closing her eyes against the taste. The alcohol stung her throat and she took it gladly, swallowing and removing glass from her lips though keeping it above the bar. It had been a bad day.

She had gone shopping with Lisanna, Lucy, Erza and some of the others in the guild and she had been forced to try on whatever they threw at her, which turned out to be a lot. Some of the things were quite revealing and others...

Well. It had been a nightmare, and she didn’t really want to think of what had happened.

Juvia sighed and picked up the glass, gulping this time rather than sipping. The rowdiness of the guild around her was beginning to give her a headache, and the fact that there was so many people present was making her paranoid. She thought about leaving, but as much as she wanted to be away from everyone, being alone with her thoughts would be worse.

“Is something wrong, Juvia?” Mira, who had apparently been granted a few minutes peace by the disappearance of Cana, leaned over the bar towards Juvia with a concerned look. Though her dress was modest Mira’s large chest was very obvious, her position making it more so. Juvia looked away.

“Juvia is fine, Mira. Thank you.”

Mira stood up with a frown, realising Juvia didn’t want to talk about whatever it was that happened to be bothering her.

“Alright. If you’re sure. Come and find me if you change your mind, okay?”

Juvia said she would and Mira left. She had been lying, but Mira didn’t need to know that.

Juvia wanted company, but she also wanted to be left alone. She didn’t want anyone to see her, but she didn’t want to have to look at her own body either.

Juvia didn’t know what she wanted.

Or maybe...she did.

Her confidence had skyrocketed since coming to Fairy Tail and meeting her precious Gray. She no longer walked under rainclouds but sunshine; both literally and metaphorically. She had true friendship, she even had true love, though he had yet to realise it.

She just...didn’t have Juvia.

Juvia loved a lot of things. Juvia loved a lot of people.

Juvia just couldn’t bring herself to love her body.

She didn’t always hate it; in fact, it was very rare that she did. She just didn’t always like it and was never confident with it.

She hated shopping trips. She hated bathing with her friends.

She hated hating.

Juvia finished off her glass and asked Mira for another one. She couldn’t yet feel the effects of the alcohol as she wanted to, it hadn’t yet loosened the power of her thoughts over her feelings.

Mind over matter. She reminded herself, recalling the words Gajeel had taught her upon one of the rare occasions that he had opened up to her during their time at Phantom Lord. And alcohol over mind.

This time the glass was finished quicker, each swallow a bittersweet ticket to salvation. The next glass went faster, the fourth hardly touched her lips before it was being refilled. Tears were mopped up, as was wine, more glasses were finished and all of a sudden she was outside the guild being escorted home by a vaguely irritated Gray.

“G-Gray-sama?” Juvia mumbled, an inch on the right side of being too tired to confess her love. “W-where are you taking Juvia?”

“To Fairy Hills.” His voice was irritated, but the arm around her back was gentle and Juvia thought she could feel his thumb rubbing circles on her upper arm. “I thought Mira told you already.”

Juvia vaguely recalled Mira handing her over to Gray, telling them Juvia should go home. Gray had looked at Mira, stiffened, and ushered Juvia out of the door, touching her more than normal. Even in her intoxicated state, Juvia didn’t have to wonder why.

“O-oh.” Juvia mumbled, her eyes downcast.

Occasionally on the walk she would trip over her feet and Gray would steady her, berating her for not looking where she was going. Juvia would apologise and continue, each atonement quieter than the last.

In the case of her thoughts, Juvia didn’t think she had drunk quite enough alcohol yet.

“Will you be alright getting inside?” Gray asked Juvia as they approached the door to the apartment block. Luckily Erza was still at the guild, unknowing of Gray’s mission, so there was no fear of her sudden presence.

“Juvia should be...fine.” Juvia mumbled not wanting to trouble Gray any more, though her stomach fluttered at the offer.

There was a pause. Juvia reached clumsily for the doorhandle.

“Hey.”

Juvia stopped.

“You’re okay, aren’t you?”

Juvia didn’t answer.

“Because if you’re not...you really shouldn’t keep it to yourself.” Gray’s voice was stiff at first, but as he became accustomed to the way he now found himself speaking to her it relaxed. “You should tell someone, that way we can help you.”

“B-but-”

“That’s what family’s for, right?” Briefly he met her eyes, before looking away again. It might have been the alcohol, but Juvia thought she could see red on his cheeks.

“J-Juvia...” She made a split second decision, mostly controlled by the wine. “Juvia doesn’t like Juvia.”

There was a pause.

“Then...Juvia is wrong.”

Gray began to walk away, not turning his head to look behind him, though he listened out for any response.

“Get some rest.” He added as an afterthought. She would have a killer headache in the morning.

**

Still in a daze, Juvia opened the door and walked inside, stumbling through to her bedroom. Her heart was beating erratically as her drunken mind tried to process his words.

Juvia...was...wrong.

Meaning...Juvia should like Juvia?

And...Gray-sama...liked Juvia.

Was that it?

Juvia covered her mouth with her hands, a small squeak escaping her lips.

Juvia hopes she remembers this in the morning.

**

Gray’s words didn’t fix Juvia.

Juvia did that alone.

It didn’t happen all at once, but piece by piece. It took her a long time and she knew she would never be without insecurity.

Juvia no longer cared.

Juvia would be happy.

That was all that mattered.