Ellie is Cool Now

Chapter 29

"Hold me back, Liz, hold me back!" Jamie puffs up his chest like a WWE wrestler and walks toward the car like a gorilla, pounding his chest with alternating fists.

"What is he doing?" I sink down into my seat.

"Embarrassing himself and all mankind." Mark locks the doors and puts the car in park. "He's a fucking Neanderthal."

Outside, Liz watches in horror as her brother Hulks up to the driver's side of Mark's car. "Jamie, please," she pleads in a vain attempt to break through the Dude-haze. She rolls her eyes, and they find mine in the car, apologetic.

Jamie's massive hand comes down on the car door handle and yanks. A few times. He looks thwarted but not deterred. I assume his initial plan was to drag Mark out and pummel him. Thank God it's locked.

Mark is pale as a ghost.

"Is this real life?" I exhale as Jamie makes a loop around the car like a wild animal circling its prey. I've witnessed more crazy in the last four days in Stonybrook than I have in six years in Los Angeles.

Mark leans away from the window, tapping the button a few times to eek open the glass just enough so Jamie can hear him. "Can you please calm down?"

"You show up here with that slut and tell me to fucking calm down?" He smacks his pecks again.

"Jamie!" Liz looks pissed. Ironic, because she was the one calling me a slut not 24 hours ago. Jamie stops at Mark's door and bends to put his eyes in line with the crack in the window.

"Why don't you come out here and face me like a man?"

"Why is that the barometer for manliness? Fist-fighting and whatnot?" I ask, and it's a mistake because now Jamie's attention is on me.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Jamie cups his hand around his ear. "I can't hear you with Mark's dick in your mouth."

Mark steams. Like, were I to pour water on him, the car would fill with white smoke.

"That's enough!" Mark unlocks the door and opens it as hard and as fast as he can. It slams into Jamie and he stumbles, falling back a few feet. Mark's out the door, his finger pointing toward Jamie in accusation. "Say what you want about me but leave Ellie out of it."

No one's ever defended my honor before. How romantic!

Jamie regains his footing, rising up to full height. Okay. Dude is HUGE.

Mark, get back in the car and drive away! Fuck my honor!

Somehow my telepathy doesn't work. Mark tries to make himself bigger and it's seriously cute, and dumb, and makes my stomach flip-flop all over the place.

Jamie's chest is a barrel and he's got the kind of muscles that strain the skin. He gives Mark a shit-eating grin, eyes sliding up and down, before charging him like a bull to a matador.

All lovey-dovey feelings evaporate.

Jamie's shoulder lands square in Mark's side and they topple to the ground like players on a football field.

"Oh my god!" Liz yells, dropping the box in her hands and running toward the fray.

I jump up in my seat, and the belt slices through my shoulder. I reach down to unbuckle as my attention is grabbed again. Jamie leans up, hovering over Mark, but is distracted momentarily by Liz running for him. Mark wisely takes the advantage. His knuckles make contact with Jamie's jaw in a crack.