Ellie is Cool Now

Chapter 36

I'm going to throw up.

I'm going to throttle Andy.

I'm going to hyperventilate.

I'm going to jump out the window and become morbid urban street art.

I'm going to —

"I'm feeling a change of scenery today." Andy interrupts my full-fledged panic attack.

"Push Comes to Shove isn't back from hiatus until next week," Tina chimes in.

"Perfect. Let's head over." Andy winks at me. "Ellie, maybe you can show Mark around the studio."

Everyone files out of the room. Vic and Tina finally look at me and I mouth you knew about this? to both of them. They grit their teeth and shrug their apologies.

I'm going to throw them out the window after I throw Andy.

I don't forgive them. Or maybe I do. All of this is yet to be decided.

Vic wiggles his fingers in a wave at Mark as he passes. Mark doesn't turn his attention from me. Vic leans over and whispers something to Tina, who nods before shutting the door. Shutting Mark and me alone inside the writers' room.

The room feels cavernous and claustrophobic all at once.

Mark doesn't move, just looks at me. I have to remind myself to breathe. I haven't heard from, seen, or spoken to this man in three months and now he's standing right in front of me. In LA. With a job that is hierarchically beneath me, at the very bottom of the food chain. I am his motherfucking boss. What is happening?

He breaks the heavy silence.

"You did the thing," is all he says.

"The thing?" I ask, not sure what the fuck he's talking about.

"The thing where you pretend I don't exist," he explains. "Because you're scared."

"Oh," I say. "That thing."

He shifts his weight from foot to foot. I can tell he's nervous. I feel like I'm losing my mind. A pressure starts to build inside my chest. Don't cry, Ellie. Whatever you do, do not cry.

"I figured I'd just have to tell you in person," Mark says, shrugging.

"Tell me what?" I ask, genuinely confused. Still trying to hold back feelings.

He starts to circle around the table, stepping toward me cautiously, like I'm a wild animal that might bolt at any second, at any sudden movement.

"That I have a massive crush on you," Mark says.

Oh no, oh no.

"That I think you made a big mistake by running away from me," he continues.

His words catch inside my gut in just the right way, and I can't hold it back anymore. The tears start to flow freely.

"That I was always going to catch you on the flip side, so that I could do this." He takes my wrist and gently pulls me to my feet. Then he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close, kissing my tear-stained face like he hasn't seen me, heard from me, or talked to me in the last three months.

Because he hasn't. Because I ran away.

When Mark pulls away finally, he rests his forehead on mine. My heart is a hummingbird inside my chest.