I Lost My Love to the Stars - - - Adashi fanfic

The Decision

"I-you're going aren't you?" I let out a dry laugh. Of course he was. Everything else he's accomplished still wasn't enough.

"Adam, please just try to understand-" I shot up, slamming my bag down.

"No Shiro! You try to understand!" He barely flinched at my sudden movements, only clenching his jaw in reaction. Somehow that made me angrier. "This isn't the first time you've left for some stupid fucking mission! Were those others not enough for you?! Was being labeled the best pilot at the Garrison not enough for you?! Was the endless praise and respect not enough for you?! And what about me?!? Was I not enough for you?! Am I not enough for you-" Suddenly Shiro stood up.

"That's not fair and you know it Adam." His voice was steady and low, nothing like my own.

"Do you really want to talk about fair right now?" My voice sounded cold and harsh, I almost didn't recognize it, it scared me. But I couldn't help it. I was mad. Shiro was leaving, again. "Takashi, we were engaged for fucks sake! Doesn't that, doesn't that mean anything to you?!" He stepped forward.

"Are you kidding me-"

"Well fuck Shiro! Does it look like I'm kidding?!"

"Of course it means something to me!!" My hard stare falters at the sound of his voice being raised for the first time this entire fight. "What the hell Adam?! You don't think this hurts me as much as it hurts you-"

"Then why the fuck are you still leaving?!" Shiro ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"God, Adam, you don't understand-"

"You're right. I don't." I crossed my arms and glared at him. I never thought I could be so mad at him. Who was he to leave, and then act like the victim. I watched as Shiro sat back down on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I have to do this," I shook my head even though he wasn't looking at me.

"No, you don't Shiro, no one is making you-" He lifted his head and shot me a tired glance.

"Adam. I don't have all the time in the world. I've wanted to do something like this my entire life, you know that. You know how hard I've worked for an opportunity like this! And you should know that I can't refuse this!" I was itching to shoot back my argument, but Shiro was talking too fast and too loud. "It's not like I can wait around for the next mission! I-" his voice suddenly dropped to a quieter volume. "I only have a couple of years, I-I need to make the most of it,"

"God, Shiro, do you hear yourself?" I felt the sting of hot, angry tears in my eyes. "You-your case isn't hopeless yet! I-there are new medicines and treatments being discovered every goddamn day!" I was pacing now. I didn't want Shiro to see the tears in my eyes. "But, but what fucking good are those gonna do you if your in space?! You can still help out here on Earth!"

"Yeah but-"

"No! Get your head out of the fucking stars, Shiro! You're already helping so many people by being here! Someone else can go on the damn Kerberos Mission!" I stopped pacing for a second. Just to look him dead in the eyes. I didn't care if he could see the tears now. "What if you die out there? Huh, Takashi? What happens then? What good are you gonna do for the mission if you're dead? The only thing you'll accomplish is hurting people. Don't you, don't you get that?" A look crossed Shiro's face. But it soon turned hard again, and he turned away.

"I have to do this." His voice was steady again. No, not just steady, sure. I bit the inside of my cheek, turning away myself. For a few seconds everything seemed still. Everything but the harsh thumping in my chest.

"Fine," I picked up the coat from his Garrison uniform. "Then get the fuck out of here," I threw it at him. He looked down at the coat in his hands, and his face seemed to soften.

"Adam-" I cut him off, I could feel nothing but the anger coursing through my veins.

"You said you wanted to leave. So leave." I still wasn't facing him. But a minute later I heard him stand up and walk over to the door. I heard the sound of the doorknob turning, and the door opening. But I wasn't done. I couldn't help it, the words just fell out, "Just know, if you leave, I'm not gonna be here when you get back."

I didn't move again until minutes after the door had closed.