Glimpse

Not a happy ending

Last night, I had a dream about you.

You wore that navy blue shirt of yours. Dashing, if am to be honest.

The sight of your smile opened an almost healed-wound, carved a sharp red line on it. But, this time when it heals, it will turn into a scar of the past; something forgotten.

I loved you. I loved you first. But, being first doesn't necessarily make you the best, does it? I was set aside. Set aside as second best; set aside as less-deserving.

My love for you knew no bounds. The sky was my limit. And she was.

You loved Sky: blinded by it to never take notice of my love for you. I know you'll understand how I felt because Sky never loved you, did she?

You loved her. She loved me. And I loved you.

I loved her too.

But, it's all over now, isn't it? The roaring passion now lay exhausted, breathing hard, bare and ugly; used and unwanted.

Oh, you'll never know how much I long for our happy ending! But, life isn't a movie, is it?

I know that there will be a day when there's no room for you in my heart. It's close.

.................

The first time I saw him was at Nick's party.

I was trying to get away from the congested atmosphere. I walked into an empty bedroom, trying to find some space to breathe; to breathe something other than alcohol, cigarette and sweat. Relieved, I closed the door behind me, letting out a deep breath and tiredly leaned against the door.

Only then did I hear something stir and noticed the two naked bodies coiled together.

Oops.

"Get out!"

But, I stood there, dazed and unsure of such beauty. It took one more barking, husky 'get out' from him to make me realize where I was and what I was doing.

I quietly opened the door and got out. I sat on one of the stairs and rested against the wall. Then, the image replayed in my mind: his messed-up hair, sweat drops dribbling down the sides of his face, cold black eyes, partly opened lips. Feelings like waves overpowered me.

I was smiling, unconsciously throughout the rest of the night.

The second time I saw him, the first time would repeat itself. Same congested-boring party, same walking into him banging a girl. Except for this time, we made eye-contact. He didn't ask me to get out but, just watched me watch him; for a few seconds and then, I left quietly.

Later, while I was sitting alone in the stairs, he stood towering over me, drinking from a red cup. Noticing him looking at me, I quickly got to my feet.

"You know, if you really want to see me naked, just ask." Saying that, he walked away, sipping from his red cup.

I watched his back dissolving into the crowd. I smiled shyly.

This is how I fell in love. A love never to be returned; a love that made me blind.

No matter how I try, I could never forget him, move on with life, and heal my scarred heart. Sky tried really hard to transform me back to the person I was before: laid-back, cheerful, cracking lame jokes, making weird faces. Nothing worked. Nothing worked because I didn't want it to. I wanted to love him for the rest of my life.

Six years later, here I am still dreaming about him. Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself. They say that if you love someone for six years, its true love. True love or not, I am determined to let go of him this time.

Over the years, the love grew like a trapping-creeper around me. It's curved and looped around the whole of me, trapping me. Like a fool, I had let it grow. Before it's too late, Sky and I are trying to rip it off me. She's more than happy to help me get rid of my, what she calls 'addiction'.

So goodbye, my love. My ex-love.

Hope you live a good life.