Legend of TUSM, a Zelda/Metroid Mashup.

Unarmed, Unparalyzation

Yes, I know that's not a word.

I've been looking for the flower for two days now. No one has a clue where I can find this flower. Even florists don't know where to look. Since I desperately need this leaf, I can't give up. I go into a place called Kakikiro Village. There were gardens everywhere.

I find what I believe to be the Hyrulian Rose. It's red, and the petals are oddly shaped. I prepare to pluck one of the leaves when a bunch of vines come alive and lift me into the air. A woman exits her house. She has on a white, formfitting sweater and a navy blue skirt, stopping just above her knees.

"Well, well, what have we here?" she asks.

"What are these things?" I'm still whispering.

"A security system protecting my rare, soon-to-be prize winning Hyrulian Roses. Now, what are you doing in my flower patch?"

"Ummm, see, I need one of these leaves to cure my paralyzed arm," I respond.

"Why didn't you just...ask?"

"I didn't think it was important...not THIS important."

"...Well?" she says.

"Uhh, may I have a leaf from one of your flowers?"

"Yes," she replies.

"Sweet! Thank you."

"On one condition."

"Crap. What is it?" I ask. She whips out a stick, cracks me on my head, and breaks the stick. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Just checking. Do you have a weapon?"

"Yes, why?"

"I need your help to conquer a dungeon."

"No, no, no, no, no. I'm tired of people asking me for help, assistance, or a partnership."

"Oh well, thanks anyway. See ya later." She enters the house. The vines still hold onto me.

Damnit, damnit, damn-IT!" Succumbing to her request, I accept her proposition. "Hey...I'll do it." She re-emerges.

"Really?" she asks.

"Yeah, just don't try to kill me afterwards."

"...Why would I do that?" she inquires.

"(sigh) It's a long story. Could you...you know?"

"Sorry." The vines set me down.

"So, where is this dungeon?"

"In the Gerudo Valley."

"Crap, damnit, hell." That's my response.

"What?"

"I can't go back there."

"Why not?" she asks.

"I was a prisoner there. I just broke out of that place recently."

"And you survived?" as if she didn't know.

"Yeah, and I can't go back. Ever!!"

"Look, I promise we won't get caught. They won't even see us."

"Fine, but if I die, I will take you with me." We travel to Gerudo Valley. We find the entrance is separated by a canyon with a bridge running across. There are two guards standing on the bridge.

"You had better know what you're doing," I say.

"Trust me." She reveals a bow and some arrows.

"Last time I trusted someone, I almost died."

"What?"

"Another long story...no, wait, it's the same long story I mentioned before."

"Well, let's save that for later." She fires an arrow at one of the guards. She takes out the other one promptly after.

"Come on, hurry!" We ran across the bridge before they got up. The coming sections were nothing but a maze of stealthiness, and I'll be the first to tell you that I'm no ninja.

"Stay close behind me...not that close, you perv!" She cracks another stick upside my head.

"Ow...It was worth a shot." She has a handful of nuts in her...hand. Duh. She throws them up in the air.

"Why?" I ask.

"Just run when I say...RUN!" As the nuts fall, they create bright flashes. I couldn't see anything. I don't know how she did. The area basically turned bright white. It was just long enough to get us to another safe spot. However, there's twice as many Gerudos in the next area.

"Now what?" I ask.

"This." She pulls out one of those crawling bombs.

"What is that exactly?"

"A bombchu. You drop it and it..."

"Yeah," I interrupt, "I know. It slides across the ground."

"Right." She drops the bomb. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"OK, what?"

"Why are you whispering?" she inquires.

"Uhhh... see, going back to the aforementioned story..." The bomb explodes. The guards rush over to see what happened.

"Come on, now's our chance." We run out of the Gerudo's sight. The temple is ahead, and it's huge.

"This is it?" I ask.

"Yep. There's a treasure up at the top of this temple."

"I know this damn well better be worth it." We enter the dungeon. The first room is infested with little creatures. Hostile creatures.

"Well, let's see what you're made of."

"Grrr? I gotta kill all these things?" I ask.

"I got us past the guards, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but all you did was, well, flash everyone." Pun intended.

"Excuse me?" she says as she hits me with another stick.

"You know what I meant." I destroy the Monsters. They're not big or really dangerous, but the door was locked, so putting two and two together told me to do the damn thing.

"Hold on, where did you get that sword?" I kinda forgot that everyone knows this sword, but it's too late now. "Is that the Falcon Sword from the weapons shack?"

"...Why, yes, it is..."

"Where did you get 70,000 Rupees?" she questions.

"I got people. I talked him down a bit."

"And another thing, you never answered my question. Why are you always whispering?"

"I have a sore throat," I respond

"That's your long story?"

"...Yeah...I guess it's not so long, hunh?"

"Mmm hmm." We entered the next room. More of these rat-like things. I destroy them. Normally, these dungeons have some sort of puzzles, but this one was just a bunch of these rats. It went on for six floors. I went through thirty rooms. I've killed who knows how many rats. This was more of a test of endurance. I barely made it to where I am now.

"You know, you could at least try to do something. Anything."

"Nah, you have everything under control," she replies. In the next room we entered, there was nothing in it.

"Sweet, nothing to do...which means we should be here...with the treasure...but we're not...so..." Right on cue, a large, spider-like thing drops through the ceiling.

"You know, I actually saw that one coming." Without my Missiles, destroying him with low energy would be difficult, almost impossible.

"You know what? I quit. I can't do this anymore." She...yes, she does it again. "You do that again and I'll..." And she does it again. "Where are all those things coming from?"

"You can't quit! We're right there," she says.

"You mean I'M almost there."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asks.

"Look, you haven't done anything since we got here. I'm tired. I need some rest and I can barely carry my sword. So, I'm outta here." I start to exit.

"You can't leave me here by myself."

"Well then come with me...umph." The spider thingy grabs me by my neck with his tongue and swallows me whole. I'm In The Belly of a Shark...or a big spider thingy.

"Are you alright?" she asks.

"What do you think?!?!?!" I thrust my sword upward, piercing the spider. I twist it around his abdomen, slicing the creature in two. I make it out alive, but I'm covered in slime AND goo. I fall to the floor.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I sit up and give her one of those "go to hell" looks.

"Can I see one of those sticks, please?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" I whip out my own stick and hit her with it.

"Yes, I do."

"Geez, I'm sorry. But, look at the bright side. The treasure is in the next room."

"Good, and after this is done, you are gonna personally nurse me back to health." I stand up.

"...Excuse me?"

"I want you to take care of me until I'm back to full strength. This is your fault after all."

"Who do you think I am?" she asks. "Some sort of personal servant?"

"That'd be nice. You could wear one of those sexy french maid outfits...oh yeah." She gives ME one of those "go to hell" looks. She hits me with the eighth stick...or is it ninth...I lost count. "Damnit...come on, I gotta get something out of this."

"Hello, the rose petal?" she says.

"I think all of this was worth more than a little piece of flower."

"OK, we can split the treasure, whatever it is. Deal?"

"Fine." We enter the next room. There's a treasure chest inside. It doesn't look very big. Hopefully, everything inside is extremely rare and
valuable.

"Well, go ahead. Open it," she says.

"Oh goodie," I say sarcastically. I open the chest and there's a bright light. Unfortunately, that was just the sun reflecting off of a glass surface. It's a bottle. An empty bottle.

"What is it?" I show her the bottle.

"This is what I get? I bust my ass, killing hundreds and hundreds of rats, get eaten by some spider, and this is what I GET!?!?!?" I prepare to throw the bottle on the ground.

"Wait!"

"For what?! It's a bottle! I was expecting a load of cash. How do you split a bottle?"

"These bottles come in handy. They can even save your life." I freeze for a bit. I walk up to her, sit the bottle at her feet, grab one of her sticks and I hit myself in the head.

"Get me out of here...right...now."

"OK, fine." She walks over to me and grabs my hand. She does this thing and we teleport to the front of her house.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know that this was going to end like that. I thought there would be something valuable in there as well."

"Just forget it."

"Well, now that you've held your part of the bargain, I shall withhold my half. You may take
your petal now."

"Thank you, even though I feel like I've been had."

"Tsk, yeah right," she responds.

"Oh, you're funny. Ha ha, I'm laughing." I take a leaf from the flower. "I'm leaving. Bye."

"Well, that was rude. You're not even gonna come back to visit me?"

"Even if I wanted to, which I do NOT, it wouldn't be a good idea."

"Why don't you want to see me again?" she inquires.

"Just because. That's why."

"And why wouldn't you be able to come back, if you wanted to?"

"It's a little complicated."

"OK, explain yourself, and I want the truth."

"Do you promise not to go crazy?" I ask.

"I guess so, it depends." I show her my cannon. "No way...it can't be." She removes the hood. "Oh my god!! It's you!! You're the one everyone's been after!" Well, so much for not going nuts.

"Yes, I'm the guy," I said in my normal voice. "If anyone finds out we know each other, they will stop at nothing to hurt you, which is why you must forget we ever met."

"Hmph. That's too bad. I was actually starting to enjoy your company," she says.

"Yeah right. You're just saying that to rattle my chains."

"Oh really?" She walks up to me, grabs my face with both hands. "What's wrong with your eye?"

"I have a piece of the lens of truth in my eye."

"OK." She brings my face inches away from hers. I stare into her eyes for a bit. "I'm sure you could find the time to see me again."

"...Huh...I will definitely see what I can do. In the meantime, I must unparalyze my arm cannon. And just so you know, I'm trying to get everybody to see the good in me. With this sword, there's barely any good left in me."

"Well, goodbye for now." I leave Kakikiro Village. Making my way toward Kokiri Forest, I couldn't get that girl out of my head. I've never thought about anyone this much, except for my family. Anyway, focusing on the task at hand, I return to the Great Deku Tree.

"Have you found the Hyrulian Rose petal?"

"Yes," I whispered as I show him the leaf.

"Excellent work." All of a sudden, I'm surrounded by a red aura. There's a cold wind blowing. It's piercing cold. It felt good. When it's over, I feel my right arm. I can feel it!

"It worked?" I move it around. "It worked!!" I shout. I shoot a Missile up into the air. "Uhh, sorry."

"YOU!!!" I turn around and see that the Kokiris have gathered.

"Who, me?"

"We aren't stupid."

"We haven't forgot that you killed our king!!"

"And now, we will avenge his death." They all charge at me at once. These little kids are pretty damn ruthless. "We will avenge his death?" That's crazy. I don't want to hurt any of these people since they're still kinda like family. I block and dodge every swing. I'm moving around like a Metroid who just drunk a gallon of Red Bull. I do so much jumping and flipping, you'd think I was some sort of animal. I jump onto one of the Deku Tree's branches.

"Listen, let me explain."

"No. You killed our leader. You will never be forgiven." The tree branch breaks out of nowhere. It showed no sign of fatigue whatsoever. I hit the ground pretty hard.

"Asshole," I said to the tree. The Kokiris jump on top of me. Everything goes black. Then, I lose consciousness.