Road to Minimalism

Chapter 6: Me VS Depression

I wrote this not to educate you of what minimalism is, because I think you already have an idea on what it is. I don't need to tell you or to describe it to you. But I wrote this because I wanted to share what my experience is. This book is not a "How To" book. There's no actual book like that. Nor are there any guidelines on how to be one. Most of the minimalists (if not all) will tell you their experiences and some may try to build up a guideline in order to "Find Out If Your Partner Is A Minimalist". Sure. If depends on each person, each personality, each attitude.

I first wrote this book because of my "undiagnosed" depression. Whenever it comes, I feel so helpless, miserable and hopeless. It's a very, very ugly feeling. It's like drowning but not to water... it's like drowning on that feeling. I almost drowned, by the way, when I was like 11 or 12. But my brain kept on saying I have to live that's why I fought (I didn't know how to swim that time) and someone pulled me to safety. This type of drowning, on the other hand, drowning into depression, you feel like you just give in. That there's no point in fighting it. It's dead end. This is it.

I fought it by getting up and try painting my walls. At first, I want it white because --- "minimalist" 😊 and because I love to see it so clean. I went to the store and I said this is it, I will paint my walls white to distract my brain and listen to standup comedy on Spotify. Excited as I was, there's just NO white paint available. Even the lightest pink or blue that can pass up as white. There's a lot of shade of white but they're just not available. The only thing they have available that I despise less is beige. So, that's what I bought. I spent the entire day paint (started around 9am ended around 7pm).

My brain was busy in painting and listening to comedy the entire day and after taking a bath and a good meal, I felt like I have defeated depression that day. Sure, I still feel depressed, but I keep myself busy. Most of the time I'll just be lazy and stay in bed, but I have my victories.

I also am a freelance writer on this website (more like a contributor) and I've worked with them for 3 years. I still write on their website to this day. Whenever I write, I feel better. Of course, I can't paint our entire house everytime I feel depressed so cleaning and decluttering became my therapy. When I don't feel like cleaning (because my entire body hurts), I write. I write about anything. I don't care if it generates money or not. What's important is that I feel better.

I spent weeks binge watching on Hoarders: Buried Alive and for some reason, it triggered my OCD. I cleaned our house like there's no tomorrow and until I can no longer walk. I meant it literally. I finished cleaning and spent the next two days on bed because I cannot walk. It pays though. Everytime I see everything in place and things are not cluttered, I also feel better. I can say there's a lot of things I have achieved through the concept of minimalism.