Paradox

Forbidden Feelings

Forced to keep this forbidden feeling a secret,
Buried deep within.
Where not a soul but mine,
Bares knowing the truth.

My weakness, my strength;
A curse dressed in a sweet disguise.
A single blessing,
Wrapped up in a blanket of thorns.

Thoughts of you consume my mind,
Swarms of emotion devour my body.
Betrayal courses through my veins.
confused between the concept,
Of Love and Lust.

The excruciating pain
Is nothing short of unbearable.
You had succeeded,
And turned my life into nothing but a misery.

I was locked in a delusion,
Where I believed that I was your only priority.
I was in love with the feeling of being yours;
I became a subject of your words,
And ignored anyone and everyone
Who had objected to the idea of us.

I thought this was where I'd belonged,
I craved your presence,
I thought I'd needed to be with you.

Why did we have to make things so complicated,
For once, why couldn't you just stay here with me?

Selfish, Cold and Heartless
That's all you ever were.
You never really cared about anyone,
But yourself.
it took me this long to figure it out.

You seem to have forgotten it all,
Almost as though these past years
Just hadn't happened at all.
I'm ashamed to admit,

That you were the one,
I'd chosen to spend the rest of my life with,
And that I was willing to waste my time,
With someone as destructive as you.

If I could capture just a single moment,
To describe the story of you and I.
It'd be a snapshot of the time;
we first met.

When time was effortless,
Our eyes would lock into an endless stare.
Where no one knew anything about us.
When laughter was never ending,
And my hand fit perfect in yours.

I'd bring us back to a time,
When this was innocent and pure.
There was no toxicity,
There was only admiration,
And the long to be with one another.

I was supposed to be yours,
What happened to being together forever?
I was naive and gullible,
Young and blind.

It was pathetic really,
The control you had over me was suffocating.
It's laughable to think of how,
I once couldn't go a day  without you.
It's been months now,
And we've barely looked each other in the eye.

My words are bitter,
I'm slowly turning to a piece of stone.
Desperate, trying find a way to return.
Seeking a saviour in no one other than myself.

Gone is the girl you once knew,
No longer will she be apart of your lies.
No longer does she believe in second chances.
You've changed her;
Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse.
Only time will tell,
We'll have to wait for these scars to heal.

She can do nothing but thank you,
She tried to hate you,
I tried to hate you.
The anger fizzles out,

I'm only disappointed, I can only do so much.,
Why did you have to watch me walk away.
Why did you let me go?
why couldn't you keep me in your arms
Wrap me up in your warm embrace ,
And make me stay.

But there was nothing that could be done,
There wasn't any more second chances.
This had been going on far far too long.
I knew that this was wrong from the start,
So did everyone else.

Yet I never listened did I,
And for that they'd never let me forget my past.
I refused to give up and to start over,
And now I'm stuck trying to move on.
When In reality that's the last thing I want.

It really was true when they said that;
When you're in love you'll only ever acknowledge what you want to hear,
And never the one thing you need to hear.

I have deep scars,
etched into the core of my heart,
I'll never make the same mistake twice,
I could never go back to being the same.

Maybe next time I'd think before I fall,
I'd build up the strength and courage to walk away.
To be able to say,
That I am worth it,
And I'll no longer let anyone
Dictate or control my actions.

As much as I'd like to say it's all  your fault,
I'm partly to blame.
And this was all because,
I'd fallen in love with a delinquent like you.

~herwordsoffantasy