XXV. Part 1

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December 25, 1984

As I sit on the couch watching Dustin open the present I gave him for Christmas, my mind wanders to the years where everything was almost flawless. Where no one hated me, I didn't have to keep up with my reputation or even have one, my grades were outstanding, and my mother adored my boyfriend.

A lot of shit can happen in two years.

That's the fucking problem.

I sit here, in present time, with the past not budging in my mind. I'm so hung up on the idea of a perfect life, so hung up on the past. What's holding me back?

Nudging the side of my leg, my attention is back to Dustin claiming the Atari I bought for him is "so fucking beautiful."

"You're welcome," I smile, ruffling his hair to which he swats my hand away.

"Here's your gift," he says as he turns away from me to grab a box engulfed horribly by candy cane wrapping paper. When he notices my reaction to his terrible wrapping skills he snaps, "Remember Dee, it's what's on the inside that matters!"

Chuckling, I tear the wrapping paper from what appears to be the box of Vans. My hand then quickly opens the box, only to find a fresh new pair of black Vans. I set the box down, turning back to him. "I-I hope you like them–" he stutters nervously before I envelop him in a bear hug.

"You shouldn't have!" I hug him even tighter, as tight as I can.

"Can't...breathe!" He sputters from my hug before I decide to let him go. Catching his breath, he pants, "I knew you wanted some, and I also noticed your Converse were getting a bit worn down–"

"God damn it Dusty! They must've costed a years worth of allowance–"

"Trust me Dee, I spend more at the arcade. Plus, I washed some cars along the way." He replies, absolutely making me feel even worse. I really don't deserve this.

"Well thank you, Dustin, truly."

"Diana?" He suddenly questions, "you know how I screamed earlier?"

"Umm. Yeah?" I reply, totally confused.

"Well that was because of Mike. Earlier on the phone he said got more collectibles of Dungeons & Dragons..."

Contemplating whether it's a good idea to let him go or make him spend time with me, I know I'll never be able to understand his love for sci-fi like his group. Sighing I reply, "Fine. But go before I change my mind."

He claims I'm the best sister ever before grabbing his helmet and running out the door.

But it's fine, I'll just use this time to go over to Billy's house to give him his (nicely wrapped) present.


Slipping on my new shoes Dustin gave me with a jean jacket on, a long sleeve shirt and some jeans, I step out the door with my car keys in hand and Billy's present in the other, I realize it's not a good idea to go outside right after taking a shower. It's freezing cold!


After what felt like a long drive, I finally reach his house. Since his parent's car isn't in the driveway it's safe to enter through the front door, granted he did give me a spare key before.

Unlocking the door I step in and close the door after me. "Billy?" I call out but then I notice the sound of bass radiating through the walls, music coming from his room as I set down his present on a nearby table.

Fingertips are felt at my arm suddenly and I'm being dragged back outside by none other than Max. "Merry Christmas–oh my god, are you okay?"

Max's face has many reactions written all over it, and none of them seem comforting. "He came home drunk last night a-and...god I'm sorry," she stutters worriedly.

Alarmed, I question, "He didn't hurt you right?"

I know how he feels about his family that's why I ask. I'm working with him on his anger issues.

"No! It's just–I...it's better if you just see for yourself." She finalizes, looking undoubtedly defeated.

Slowly stepping away from her, I carefully walk back inside the house towards his room, having no idea as to why I'm walking so quietly. Reaching the doorknob, my heart starts beating anxiously, my hand on the doorknob getting sweaty.

Taking a deep breath, I crack open the door slowly.















What comes to view is two bodies engulfed together, naked and asleep. Brunette frizzy hair is splayed across his face, as his arm is just simply wrapped around this girl's waist.

My heart now pounds as I stand here, struck cold. Closing the door, I then step back and it feels as if I can't breathe, as if my insides were struck frozen. Grabbing the present I walk back outside and close the front door for the last time.

"I'm–"

"Don't. It's not your fault," I chuckle with no feeling. "Do you want to get out of here? My brother and his friends are all at Mike's, I can drop you off there." I ask Max before I drive home and drain Billy Hargrove from my memory.

She nods before we climb in my car and drive away.


"Are you sure you want to be left alone?" Max asks as she steps out of my car, the door to her friends only a few feet away.

"Yeah." I dryly say as she sighs and walks farther and farther away.

Looking back his present, I scream. "Fuck!" The palms of my hands pounding on the steering wheel.

This is what I fucking get for falling for a boy like him.

Stepping on the gas, I speed away, far away from Billy Hargrove.


"Shit," I wipe away the only tear willing to come out right now, it's as if my body is completely numb. Nothing hurts as I smoke the cigarette in my hand, staring back at my reflection in my bathroom mirror.

What happened? Was it something I did?

I'm not good enough for him?

Dragging myself back to my room I stand there taking in the atmosphere, trying to steady my breathing. "Diana, open the window," a voice says from outside. Guiding my attention to the window I unlock it and get rid of my cigarette.

"Merry Christmas–wait Diana, what's wrong?" Steve immediately questions as he drops the presents in his hand to cup my cheeks.

"Nothing..." I lie.






Before I completely breakdown in front of him before he engulfs me in his arms, my tears starting to stain his sweater as he hugs me tighter.

"Tell me what's wrong, Dee," he sighs.

////////////////////////////////////////////
lmao I come back just to hurt yalls feelings

hmmm turns out Diana did want to be comforted by someone, but a particular someone

IM SORRY I HAD TO

next update soon. since you know, this is the first part

vote. comment. xx

12-30-18
3:03 am

I didn't revise this cuz I'm excited SORRY

word count: 1174

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