The Goblin's Throne

Chapter Forty: Confession

I couldn't believe it. I was holding Frit and Floki! They were real, alive and breathing, the two of them held tight against my chest. It was their voices in my ears, stuttering and sobbing in a mangled mess of relief and anguish. I reached over them towards Cat and my youngest living child. "Bring him here." I pleaded, in a begging desperate tone. I spoke in the faerie common tongue just as I'd been commanded, though it was an effort not to slip back into the easier goblin. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't have the right words.

Wary of the faerie forces that surrounded me, Cat's feet were hesitant to move forward. She looked questioningly at Knut. "Go ahead."  He smiled at her, touching her back to guide her forward. "Do not worry about me." She frowned at him, but her feet moved, crossing the distance between us.

"Look, Odd, it's Mama." Cat cooed to Odd, pointing at me. He looked at me a moment, but there was no recognition or even interest. Instead of crying for me, he reached towards one of the guards surrounding me. "Chicken! Bite! Bite! Wanna bite chicken!" His shrieks grew louder as Cat tried to control him, wrestling him around to face me. 

"No, you can't bite the chicken right now. Say hello to your mama." She panted with the effort of trying to wrangle the little monster. She sat him down next to me and his brothers. He looked at me again with a wet face and a dripping nose, still growling angrily beneath his breath. 

"Odd," I whimpered, reaching out to pet his head. "You've gotten so big." His brows pinched sharply at the foreign words that left my mouth. With a snarl, he snapped his sharp teeth at my fingers. 

"No!" Cat snatched him up before his teeth could sink into me. "Bad Odd! You don't bite your Mama!" She scolded. He growled and kicked his little legs in response, twisting his head around in an attempt to bite her for interfering. 

He started to scream in earnest now, so loudly and sharply that some of the faeries covered their ears. Cat released him to cover her own ears lest they start to bleed and he took the opportunity to dart back to his father. He peaked around his leg, clutching his clothes with tiny claws, little growls whistling through bared sharp teeth.

"Odd!" Knut began, trying to pull him from behind him.

"It's okay, Knut, leave him be." Fresh tears poured down my cheeks. "I knew he wouldn't remember me." Shaking with sorrow, I clutched my first and second born tighter to me as I continued to stare at my third, drinking in the sight of him. My chest hurt so badly I thought it might burst. 

"I'm sorry about Odd," Cat muttered, fidgeting with the sleeves of her shirt. She'd chosen to wear a plain shirt and breeches, her usual uniform for sparring. Her hair was pulled back too. She'd come prepared to pick up a sword and start a fight at a moment's notice. She looked down at the ground bashfully, seemingly meaning her words but being unhappy about it. "I'm sure he does remember you a little, he does talk about you sometimes, but I think you scared him when you started talking like a faerie." 

"Thank you, Cat." I breathed softly. "Thank you for looking after my boys." My lips contorted into the faintest of smiles. The year apart from them had changed her just as surely as my children. She hadn't really gotten much taller, but she'd begun to look more like a woman and all the more like me, though I'd never dare tell her to her face. She had my father's dark eyes, my mother's upturned nose, and full lips, Jasper's shiny black ringlets hung nearly to her waist now. She'd escaped my father's and the twins' ugliness, but she was a Pole to her core. We shared that blood even if she did not wish to claim me after what I'd done to her father. She still didn't know the full extent of it, but the fact that I killed him was enough to inspire lifelong hate. "I know you didn't have to. You didn't owe me that. You don't owe me anything." I said.