Thinkin' of you till it hurts

5

"Mama?"

"Yes, my ocean?"

"I talk to you about something?"

It's been a week since the wedding, and Lance is still unsettled. He feels like his bones are all in the wrong place, like his lungs aren't taking oxygen properly, like his heart isn't beating properly. He couldn't even blame Shiro and Curtis for it, since they can't exactly help his feelings for them.
So he just left back at square one; loathing himself and trying to pretend he doesn't.

But it's a struggle trying to pretend that he doesn't have huge stinking crushes on a now married couple, and then trying to pretend that he doesn't hate himself for pretending that he doesn't have crushes. Instead he's just tired.

So he talks to Mama. From experience, talking to Mama usually makes everything better, from nightmares as a child to his first crush on a dude in middle school.

"Of course," Mama says, turning in her seat on the sofa as Luis and his new Altean girlfriend awkwardly scoot out of the other door, "come here and talk, it'll make everything better - Rachael, I don't think Lance wants you here for this-"

"I'm staying," she states defiantly, still not looking up from her phone, and Mama apparently doesn't have anything to say to that.

Instead, she taps the seat between her and Rachael, and Lance practically tiptoes in. Almost immediately as he sits down, Rachael wraps her arms around his middle and drapes herself over him.

"Talk," she affectionately threatens, "or I won't let you go."

Then Mama runs a gentle hand through his hair, and the tears spring to his eyes again.

"So, you know about Shiro, right?"

"The man who got married?" Mama asks, and Rachael sighs heavily, "the one who you liked?"

"Yeah, I- I still do," he admits, and Mama nods safely as Rachael squeezes him gently, "but, I- uh-"

"Go on," Rachael urges, "it can't be worse than my first girl crush on my Math teacher when I was fourteen, and I told you all about that, plus the bi awakening-"

"Only because I was also in your class and had to watch you making confused moony eyes at her for four hours a week," Lance snaps, but he can also hear Mama laughing gently behind him.

"What's wrong, Lancey?" Mama presses again, and Rachael huffs.

"You know the guy he married?" Lance asks again, receiving only an interested hum, "so every time I see them, they're really nice to me, and they hug me and hold me and- man I don't know? I'm getting mixed messages?"

"You love him too," Mama states, as if it's the simplest thing in the world, and it feels like a weight the size of the yellow lion has been lifted off his chest.

"I- yeah, I guess I do."

"Well that wasn't so hard," Rachael says with a frown, "you sound like you just needed to accept that yourself rather than us accepting you - it's only taken you like, three years."

She's got a point, but Lance tries not to feel guilty. He's tried dating - he's dated Alteans, Humans, Galrans, he even dated a lovely Olkari dude for four months before it all went tits up - but no one ever felt right compared to them. Papa always said Lance experienced emotions on a whole different level to everyone else, which explains his two year long crush on Allura, and his nearly four year long crush on Shiro and Curtis.

Mama nods in agreement, and leans in to kiss his head. "Never let it be said that any of my children are simple," she says with a smile, "and I wouldn't have it any other way - you should talk to them? It sounds as if they're as interested in you as you are in them."