Louder

Chapter 17

      Serena and I were in the practice room, waiting for her turn to perform on stage. We were sitting on the couch in silence, but with a lot on our mind. I glanced at Serena, thinking about how she had asked to hang out with me, but only because she knew she needed me. After her last performance, Serena knew that without me, her career would be over.

      "I'm glad everyone forgot about my horrible performance," Serena said, laughing lightly to herself. "You were right. No matter what they'd love me."

       I nodded, but the thought of how they'd hate her if they knew the truth crossed my mind. If they ever found out that she tricked them, she'd lose everything. That was exactly why she was talking to me, but I brushed the thought away. This was the way things were and I knew I couldn't change them.

      "How are you and Carson?" I asked, changing the topic as I thought about the dance I shared with him.

      "Amazing!" Serena gushed. "He's so sweet and kind. And such a gentleman! He's absolutely in love with me and I love him, too. I could never ask for a better boyfriend."

      I forced a smile at her words, but I looked away from her as the dance Carson and I shared vividly came to mind. We had been so close and we held each other for so long that I couldn't help but wonder if Carson felt the same way. It was strange and I didn't know why, but Carson didn't seem to want our dance to end. Even long after the song ended, he had held me and I had held him, and we stood together as one.

      "Do... do you ever think you'll tell Carson the truth?" I asked. "He is your boyfriend. You should be honest with him."

      "Oh my god no!" Serena exclaimed, horrified. "Telling Carson that you're the one singing would destroy my relationship. He would hate me for lying to him."

      "But you guys are in love. Shouldn't you trust him enough to tell him something as big as this?"

      "It's not that simple, Nivenah."

      I stared at her, growing tired. It was true, it wan't that simple and that was what I hated about singing for Serena. Nothing about it was simple and everything had a domino affect. If one thing were to fall over, everything would shatter and I was terrified for when that one thing would fall over. I was anticipating it, but I had no idea when it would come.

      "Hey," Carson said, popping into the room. "I just wanted to check up on you two."

      Carson was smiling and to my surprise, he was looking at me. His eyes were bright and there was a happiness I hadn't seen in a while exploding out of him. As he stared at me smiling, my heart stammered.

      "The restaurant is so packed!" Serena exclaimed, ruining the moment. "I've never seen Vandos so packed."

      "It is it's ten year anniversary," Carson said, looking proud. "We've made a lot of friends on this ten year journey."

      "You guys are incredible. I'm so excited to sing!"

     "We should get going then."

     Serena nodded eagerly and rushed off to go upstairs. I sat where I was on the couch, my eyes on Carson who was staring back at me.

      "Will you be alright on your own here?" Carson asked. "I can stay with you."

      "I'm fine," I quickly said. "Remember what I said. I like being alone."

      "We could be alone together."

      Carson's eyes were gentle on mine and I knew he was genuinely offering his company. It was touching, but there was no way I could let him stay with me.