Harry Potter 2.0 - A Fix-It

The Dursley's

Clouds covered the sky, no birds were singing, no random owls were in the sky. What a perfectly normal day, Mr Vernon Dursley thought. Unfortunately for him, it just couldn't last.
The bus was early.
Two minutes early.
This had never happened before and was so peculiar that Vernon knew something was wrong. Perhaps the bus driver was one of those weird, magic folk. Yes, that had to be it. They were always up to something. So Vernon stormed up to the bus driver and glared at her from the footpath.

"Is there a problem, sir?" She asked.

This was his chance to strike back at them. "Damn right there's a problem! I bloody well can't have you skulking around, pretending you're better than us! Come out of the shadows and the hidden doorways, I say! Let us fight back!"

The driver only looked quite confused and concerned. "Excuse me?"

"No more I say, no more! We will get rid of you lot once and for all!"
The driver gave him one more concerned look and proceeded to close the bus doors with a slight hiss and drive off, leaving Vernon on the sidewalk.

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Petunia could talk non-stop for hours, Vernon decided. He'd gotten home all spewing steam and ready to have this awful day over with and Mrs Dursley had simply said, hello Vernon, dear. I'm on the phone, I'll only be a moment.
It had not been a moment. It had been at least an hour and a half. Vernon could only imagine the phone bill.
Finally Petunia lowered the phone from her ear and said, "isn't it wonderful, Vernon? Dudders has gotten a job directing a movie!"

Vernon didn't bother looking up from his phone. "What movie is it?"
Petunia lifted the phone back up to her ear and started talking in the sickly sweet voice she only reserved for their son. Vernon scowled and went back to his Buzzfeed quiz about what kind of apple he was.
He was jolted out of his 11th quiz by Petunia slamming the phone down onto the receiver.

"It's simply awful!" His wife sobbed, "Dudley has decided he has gotten over his fear of magic and is producing a movie on magical creatures!"

"What!" Vernon leapt out of his chair. "That's ridiculous. Dudley, our Dudley, producing a movie on magic?"

"And what's worse," Petunia said between sobs. "Minerva is back at it again." She pointed to the window, Vernon turned to see the hoards of cats in emerald green cloaks gathered on the lawn. Minerva McGonagall. He started marching towards the door.

"Vernon stop," Petunia was now calming down. "You've already been to jail twice for animal abuse. Just ignore them. Anyway, it's Buzzfeed time now." Vernon's wife was a religious Buzzfeed follower. He only really liked the quizzes but Vernon still followed them on social media. A notification flashed at the top of his screen from Buzzfeed News.

"Would you like me to read the news to you, Petunia?" Vernon asked. His wife nodded, fixated on her iPad.
So he tapped the notification. He read the headline. Vernon stopped, he stared, he gaped.

"Well, what is it?"

Vernon took a deep breath. "Buzzfeed's creator, Arthur Weasley, discusses his obsession with rubber ducks and his ongoing mission to discover why they were created."
Petunia stopped, she stared, she gaped.

Mr and Mrs Dursley of number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Alas, however much they try, it seems, they cannot escape the inevitable.