So we spend New Years together I think that's really cute tbh. Katie kinda cock blocked us and you wanted to have sex on my period lol. I felt bad for Julia tbh poor thing heard us and was sitting right beside us. I think I'm starting to like you more. You said to me when we were alone together that u never started to like someone this quick before. I really appreciate that. But at some moment we were play fighting, just messing and you seen my arm. Your mood just changed out of no where. You said hold on a second and tried to grab my wrists but I wouldn't let you. I felt like I was about to cry. I covered my face with my hands so incase tears go running down you won't see it. You asked me if I still do it and that people in a relationship are all about trust and tell each other everything. I said no but I lied to not make u worried and I said I'm not in a relationship so I don't need to say anything right now. You wouldn't let me get up and get dressed because u wanted to know why I do what I do but I honestly just can't tell you I don't know myself at time sometimes I just feel really empty and alone other times I'm really angry and fed up with everything and sometimes I just want to see if I can still feel pain or am I numb. I don't think I would be able to say it to you. I feel like you wouldn't judge me but at the same time that's what I thought about other people and yet again the turned there back on me. I also don't want you to think I'm some psychopath because I'm not. I'm just depressed and I don't want you to worry about me don't want you to think of me as a sad depressed girl that is suicidal and has no life. Because I want you to see the good and better side of me. I'm improving I just need time by myself. I can't deal with people trying to help me I don't feel comfortable. Listen if I wanted help I would ask for it but some things I just need to solve myself and have my own methods with dealing with stuff. You keep texting me about " the thing " and trying to get it out of me to tell you but I just can't tell you not now. At around 3-4 am you went home. I thought my mam and dad would be so mad at me for having a boy over so late but I don't think they cared tbh it's kinda weird kinda cool. Anyways I really miss you right now can't wait to see you on the weekend.
