I dont get it.
I dont get why I'm not worth caring about because I dont have the worst depression. Or highest anxiety. Or the most fucked up life.
Is this some kind of competition?
I get why people don't think I'm depressed, I really do. I try to smile and be funny because I don't want anyone else to know the pain I do. The feeling of wanting to rip my skin off every. Single. Time. I see myself in the mirror.
I get why people don't think I have anxiety. I lie to them and tell them that I dont have it. Because if I don't get diagnosed, I do not have it. I'm too scared to go there. Hell, I'm even to scared to say hi to my friends in fear that my teeth aren't white enough, someones gonna look funny at me, or that I will fuck up the eye contact.
Yeah sure my parents are a mess, my sister thinks I'm possessed and the other one is sick. I cant live without animals. But I'm not allowed to have one.
Yeah I'm depressed, have social anxiety and anorexia.
But both of my parents are alive. So are my siblings. My family doesnt hit me. Neither does my friends. My family doesn't emotionally tear me up even tho most of my friends do. I haven't had any suicide attempts. My family is mostly okay with me being gay. And that my best friend is trans. Plus I haven't cut to my bone. I don't have extreme gender dysphoria.
Does this mean that I'm not worth it? Does it mean that noone wants me?
Well, the sad truth is... its true. Nobody wants to deal with a fake person. I'm fake. I say that I have depression, but I dont have real problems and real reasons.
YOU ARE READING
2 am
PoetryTW:// DEPRESSION AND SELF-HARM, SOME TALK OF DEATH This book isnt something you'd want to read. I hope it isn't. It's just a piece of my mind shoved onto paper
