Damaged

Thank You.

song he was listening too^^^

* Rape, Self harm warning*

  I get back to my dorm tired and hungry considering I never actually got to eat lunch. I'm the first one here and honestly I'm happy about that. I need some peace and quite. I go to my dorm room and change into a blue sweatshirt that says Plus Ultra and some black joggers.  I head to the kitchen and find my hidden stash of instant noodles. I heat them up and curl up on the couch with a blanket over my head and watch some tv.

I wake up and it's pitch black. I'm back in that dreaded cement room. This time it's a bit different though.  There's blood all over the walls and all around him. I soon realizes it's my own blood coming from my arms that seem to have been slit open.

"Oh no i'm dying." I say and try to move but I'm still all chained up. "Please just get me out of here I cant take this anymore." I cry out to the darkness. A black figure appears. I cant tell which villain it will be this time and I don't want to know. I just want to get out.

" This won't hurt a bit don't worry." The voice slithers. He gets on his knees and starts pulling of my pants.

" Please stop not again." Is all I can say as he begins to stick his fingers into my hole.

"Gahhh please go away." I'm trying my best to move but I cant. Just like 2 months ago I couldn't move, couldn't fight back, nothing. I just stood there like a deer in headlights. If i'd have  just fought back maybe things would've been different. This is all my fault.

"Deku wake up!" Uraraka shouts and I jolt up. I'm shaking and crying and hyperventilating just an utter mess but I can't control it. I'm so useless and weak. God why am I like this?

"Hey it's okay." I hear Yaoyaroza say in a sweet and calm voice. " We're here just let it all out." She continues and it only makes me cry more. After maybe two more minutes Im finally able to pull myself together and face them.

" I'm okay." I say but it comes out more of a whisper.

" What happened to you? Me and Momo came in and you were tossing and turning on the couch telling someone to stop." Uraraka says.

"I was just having a bad dream. I'm okay now though don't worry." I say

" That seemed like more then a bad dream considering you just had an anxiety attack." Yaoyaroza tells me. " You wanna talk about it?" She ask and it makes me feel like I could really trust her, but I cant trust anyone with this. I don't want them to see me how I see myself.

" No really I'm okay but thanks."

" Okay Deku but I'm always here if you need me." Uraraka tells me and a small tear leaves my eye but I quickly wipe it away.

" I'll keep that in mind." I say.

____________

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

6:00 AM

Another sleepless night. But today I feel well, different. I don't feel the usual crushing anxiety I usually feel in the morning. Today I feel, nothing. I cant tell if I like this change or not but there's no time to sit here and decide. I don't really want to get up though.

What's the point? Why am I trying so hard to become a hero in the first place? Am I even actually going to become a hero?

Forget it. I'm not going.

Instead I pull out my All Might duffel bag. Inside it is an assortment of blades and knives for no one but me. I grab a blade and unravel my bandages. I pause for a moment and admire what i've done so far. My right arm is covered in scars and scabs while my left is not as extreme but still pretty bad. I don't really like to cut my left because it's harder and more annoying.