The Girl He Left Behind

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I wish we could control our emotions.

I wish happiness would last forever and pain would be fleeting.

Instead pain seems to drown us and happiness barely touches us like a mist of fog.

It makes living less appealing and death so much more enticing. Because how is this living when you feel like you're drowning? When a wave keeps pulling you down, when it won't let the mist touch you.

And when the mist does touch you, is it worth it? Getting a taste of it only to be dragged back under?

That's why so many people aren't living to feel, they live because they have no other choice. Killing yourself passes your pain to those who love you. To those who wish you weren't drowning. To those who wish they knew how to save you. And some people don't want to drown others to find their peace.

These people, my people are just living to die.

~

Stupid Gabriel.

I see where Abel learned his tricks. Because every step I took away from that house my mind had been filled with doubt. I had the strongest urge to hear Abel's side of the story. I wanted to prove to Gabriel that I wasn't wrong. That his brother is a monster. That I'm not making him out to be the devil out of fear. But because it's the god damn truth.

But another part of me begged me not to listen to Abel's side of things. There's a reason I didn't make it out of that hell unscathed. He knew exactly how to manipulate me. In any situation with him involved, I had no control. Not over my mind or my body. So if I go and listen to him I'll inevitably fall into his trap.

I'd become a pawn in his twisted game all over again.

"Leslie," jumping in surprise I turned to face the owner of the voice.

"Adriel," I responded with a smile, I don't have many male friends here in my hometown, but Adriel was one.

"Long time no see," he said as he put his hands in his jeans and approached, "what brings you back?"

Life, my brutal fate.

"Oh just work and I thought it'd be nice to come back here," I murmured grabbing the milkshake from the lady at the stand as he ordered, "I'm actually staying in the old house my parents bought in the middle of town. You should come visit me sometime, it's pretty lonely over there."

Yes, invite a guy friend over. Good idea, if you want to get him killed.

Abel doesn't have to know. And it's none of his business what I do with my life much less who I let into my home. So I smiled happily as Adriel laughed and agreed to visit me soon. Maybe for once life will be on my side and Abel will just leave me be.

"So how have you been? I haven't heard from you since..."

Since I tried to kill myself.

I knew what he wanted to say and I knew he wouldn't say it. Because he knows it's a subject I don't want to talk about. It's a moment in my life I wish I could erase. A decision I wish I could take back.